a story of life

Well after 5 years and almost 4 months the last of my stuff made it's way from Pukepoto to Kaitaia. I now have my captain's chair in my room, and additionally I now have a new (to me) cabinet that has a drop down cupboard door that acts as a desk. So now when I'm working from home I'm no longer either sitting on my bed or the sofa with my laptop on one of those bed trays that one of Phyllis' sons made for a school project around 50 years ago! Not that I have any plans to relinquish the tray, it's still going to be very handy, but ergonomically it isn't a cunning plan for lengthy use.

It was a bit strange really to bring away that last bit of my stuff, I lived there for four years and a month - so less time than I've been here, yet somehow it feels like it was way longer. Probably as so many big changes went on in my life there. I went from being on a visitor visa, to a student one, to a working towards full registration one, to permanent residency. I bumped into someone I used to see quite often in the years I was living at Pukepoto in the Post Office yesterday, he was posting off new passports for visa stickers to be added and we commiserated over the hold and amount of funds the Immigration has (had for me now!) over our lives. Marking the passage of time by what visa I have held seems perfectly normal. Not that the last five years have been 'samey', I got my citizenship and Kiwi passport whilst living here after all!

I put this photo of the chair and 'desk' on Facebook earlier, quickly downloaded off the camera, with no edits. When I came to put it on here I was about to crop it down, then really took note as to what was around the edges; my 'Triennial mug' on the shelf behind the glass door which has been used for pens etc for probably as many years now as it was used as a mug; my rather faded Guatemalan patchwork bedspread bought in Flores the one time I got to go to visit one of our overseas projects when I worked for an international development charity; my old purple dressing gown which apart from being wonderfully warm and snuggley is a reminder of the importance of being able to wear what you choose (long story...); and the first patchwork quilt I ever made... my first ever patchwork project is the photo too - the cushion cover on the chair was made from a Liberty patchwork kit I got when I was about 11 or 12, it got completed about 10yrs later! So a snapshot not only of the present, but of many chunks of my past, and the journey that led to me being here with them, and once I'd thought about them that way I couldn't bring myself to crop them out.

All too often details round the edges get cut off to improve the aesthetics of a picture, but they can provide a supporting narrative which is easily lost. What to cut out and what to keep.... the decluttering dilemma in a nutshell! As a (very part time) genealogist the idea of keeping things for posterity that tells the story of a people has a huge pull, and very much shaped my hoarding years. But I've learned to let go of 'stuff'; photos of everyday life can tell a lot of a story, without having to keep boxes and boxes of stuff to prove it happened, although I'll certainly be hanging on to my multi-stickered passport for a few years yet! So I'm going to try to remember that when editing photos, sometimes historical value is more important than art! Now if only I could manage to combine the two more effectively...

past present

I've spent a lot of time over the last few weeks working on a photobook, not for me or a Summer Gathering one (although one of those is also in progress), but as a birthday present for one of my self-appointed nephews. I'm reasonably sure no-one who sees this post will see him before he gets it, or if they do I'm sure they can keep a secret!

For almost four years we both lived around here and I spent many a weekend plus time in the school holidays looking after him. Anyone who followed my photostream on Flickr will know I took a lot of photos of him, and the ones that got uploaded were often only a fraction of those taken. I'd hear 'Take another, and another, and one of this' as he'd pull a different pose, expression or jump yet again off whichever piece of playground equipment it was, aiming for that 'perfect' shot.

These days though he's very reluctant to be in front of the camera and I practically have to plead with him to get a more up to date photo, so I figured it was time to share a reminder of how it used to be! Well that and the fact that when I was visiting recently he very proudly showed me an album with old photos, school certificates, and postcards I'd sent to him over the years. I'd thought about making the book last year but wasn't really sure the time was right so left it, this year though I knew for sure he'd appreciate it.

It was lovely looking back at the photos as I pulled the book together, it was as much a document of my life then as his. Amongst the stuff I'd recently brought back from Pukepoto was a bundle of paintings and drawings he'd done when staying with us. Those have now been photographed and recycled, it was hard to let go of them even so. But I have a box that has been covered with his pictures that I keep my files in so I do still have some originals. I think putting the photobook together helped me let go of the pictures, realizing that it was the memory of him doing the painting and drawing with me that was far more important to me than what he actually produced.

I've also been sorting through a box of cassette tapes, and I managed to halve my collection - again! It's a decade now since I had anything to play them on so it really was getting ridiculous to keep them all. I wrote a list of a pile of albums that I had that had been copied by various people that I had yet to get on cd or electronically and parted with those, and for mix tapes I'd put together either from my own or various past flatmates/boyfriend's music collections I went through and wrote a list of the tracks I now don't have, and parted with those tapes too. Mix tapes made for me by others survived to live another day, along with some recordings of friends' bands and a few originals that I still can't bring myself to part with even if I do have the cd/iTunes version now! Then to make up for what felt like a ruthless cull I splurged on iTunes and bought some of the most nostalgic 'missing' tracks, and fished out the insert cards that had friends' handwriting on and kept those too. After all, it has reached the point now where it is the memory of the people associated with it that is far more important than the physical means to listen to the music. And a few pieces of card take up way less room than a pile of C90s!

So two very different eras of my life, one recorded in photographs, the other in music (I've photos of that era too, but they are a task for another time), both now reduced to a more compact mostly digital archive. Another step towards a smaller scale of living without sacrificing the important things, the memories of people who have shaped my life; our love, laughter, tears and hugs.There's a quote from Maya Angelou: I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel, this is very true and is probably the most important thing to remember about someone, but it is nice to have some physical reminders of the times you have shared all the same.

compromise and consultation

It is very satisfying seeing the pile of empty packets piling up as the negatives get sorted and filed. Well mostly. I'm beginning to wish I hadn't decided to keep August's non-recyclable plastic waste as well though! There is a sizeable bundle of those pocketed sheets negatives sometimes came back from the developers in. Part of me breathes a sigh of relief when I come across one of those as there is far less chance that the contents will have somehow got mixed up with a different film, but once the negs have been transferred to a filing page it is with something of a harrumph that the same frustration saving item is consigned to the box of plastic.

There is also a broken slides box in that collection now too, and I'm very aware that the pages I'm transferring things into have yet more plastic as part of them. But what are the alternatives? At least digital photography means the amount of plastic being used in this way has been drastically reduced, but I'm sure there are other environmental impacts just as great, they are just less in our faces. This article about the need for legislation to reduce the amount of plastic was both reassuring (I'm not the only one struggling with plastic!) and saddening. I hate that I'm adding to the landfill by clearing out, but again it is that clash of priorities - having less stuff vs the problems of throwing stuff away!

I'd called in at the local photography shop to ask if she could check with their suppliers if they still stocked such things as new pages or folders for them to go in. She rang back to say the bloke had laughed and said they'd gone out with the Dark Ages and the best thing to do was scan the negatives and put them on cds/usb sticks - a service they offered. That's all very well I pointed out, but I still have to organize them first to decide what is worth saving in that manner! Also how long will cds and usb sticks work for? Having just found a stack of 3" disks I'm realizing that whilst I have an external disk drive (somewhere...) I don't know that I have any programmes that would be able to open any of the files any more! Technologically obsolete already. At least negatives can still be turned into prints.

I've got one more pack of filing pages via TradeMe and found a supply in the UK so there is hope of eventually completing the mission. Simply transferring the negs into pages is one thing, filing them in a sensible order however is a whole different ball game! It has been great though as putting out requests for help on Facebook to identify at least what year things were held in has resulted in some collective reminiscing and conversation that probably otherwise wouldn't have happened. I'm still somewhat taken aback by the disagreement over which decade something was in though rather than which of two years in the early '90s, that I really didn't expect. And I thought I was the one having memory problems!

I dare say I'll need to pick a few more brains over the coming months as I sort out the rest. I'm just hoping that the various Pardshaw events have other things on the films as trying to decide which event of those was which is pretty tricky as you can't even always tell if it was Easter or Pre-Christmas from the number of layers we're wearing! Plus certain jumpers are almost as ubiquitous as Ken's Summer Gathering one, albeit usually more tasteful and timeless... The fact that digital photographs are automatically dated is something I'm appreciating more and more as I work through these, although the chances of me having done the equivalent of writing the names on the back of photos are even slimmer.

filling in the gaps

Today I discovered why my filing of negatives had appeared to start at a really random point in time. It seems that it wasn't 15yrs ago when I started this mission, but more like 24! I'd started with the latest film and worked backwards. So when I picked up the gauntlet 11yrs later I'd simply carried on where I'd left off!

It made me laugh to discover this, it all makes perfect sense now. Of course I started a really detailed filing system when I was in the middle of writing my dissertation - you couldn't get much more worthy in terms of procrastination, and far more satisfying than housework. It is also typical of me that I shoved something in a cupboard for years and then started it up again. It was around that same time that I finally finished a patchwork project that I'd had since secondary school. That now forms part of a cushion on the previously mentioned captain's chair! Thankfully my patchworking has never since been consigned to the 'pending...' pile for years on end.

One of today's bonus discoveries was the negative of a photo I took of my Grandad a few months before he died. I haven't had a copy of it for many, many years having given it to someone (Mum? Granny?) thinking I'd get a reprint done and then of course not getting around to it before the negative got buried too deep in the box to easily find. So finally I can fill the gap in my photo album and Granny will no longer be on that page on her own! Another loose end tied up. Plus I've found the negatives of the elusive JYM '88 photos that I'm really hoping are in the blanket box...

I'm already one box down, admittedly it's the smallest one, but it feels like a good start. There's something very satisfying about finally seeing a project through to completion (albeit that happy state is still a long way off!). I'm quite enjoying the elements of detective work involved in reuniting strips that had been taken out of their packet to get reprints done, back with the rest of the set they belong with. It is something of an eye opener to contemplate how much money I have spent on film and processing over the years too! That's probably responsible for a hefty chunk of my student overdraft and visa card being maxed out by the time I graduated.Thankfully most of the travel expenses to the various Quaker gatherings many of the photos are of were covered, otherwise I would've been living off lentils and bread from the half price bakery around the corner... oh wait, I already did.

So, after more years than I'd been alive when I started this, I'm reconstructing about a 23yr section of my life, give or take a film reel or two. Trying to put things back into chronological order (if anyone has suggestions as to how to date several entire films worth of photos of the Edinburgh Botanical Gardens, with no recognizable people in to assist in this matter, they would be gratefully received!). You know life would be so much easier if I could settle for being either extremely organized or haphazard (but usually with a system of sorts - like a box, or four, with negatives in... in no particular order), but I never seem to be able to stick with just one. Not only is this project cataloging a substantial chunk of my life, but the entire endeavour reflects me in other ways too: as a person, a photographer, a documenter of events, and no doubt other things I'm too tired to think of right now. It does make me wonder if in years to come when someone comes across the end result (assuming I ever finish it!) what assumptions they would then make about me - I don't for a moment expect that to be accurate!

negatives into positives

At the weekend we got rid of a chest of drawers from my room, and I collected the three remaining boxes from the shed at Pukepoto. This does not mean all my stuff is now here, not by a long chalk. There's a blanket box crammed full of goodness knows what (although I'm hoping I know what some if it is, as if it isn't in there I've lost it!), there's also my cabinet and captain's chair, not to mention three bookcases full of books! But getting those last three boxes here feels like a fairly major landmark.

It's just as well I haven't got the cabinet here yet as I'm using the extra floor space to help sort things out. I did an initial sort through on Sunday, taking out some boxes of stuff here too and resorting it so like is now with like. In the middle of all this I joined in with MM via skype whilst surrounded by piles of stuff, hopefully no-one was looking too closely at the state of my room! I did manage to hide most of what was immediately next to me as I was handsewing the binding on a quilt and it handily covered it over.

So now I have a box of letters, a box of diaries/journals along with artwork and school work, plus a box of the soft toys mostly made by my Aunty Lilian that I still can't quite bear to part with plus a few other childhood treasures, now all shoved under the bed. They'll get revisited some day, but today is not that day...

What this day has been about is photographs. Or to be more precise negatives, plus a box of slides. Once upon a time, many years ago, in a fit of organisation I bought a folder and a few packs of pages to hold negatives, plus some to hold slides. I did manage to make a decent start on the negatives, but as I was doing the job properly and filling in the index pages with a description of every single frame I'd unsurprisingly shelved that task to be completed 'later'. About 15yrs later as it happens! One huge advantage I have now over then is that I no longer take film photographs so the task has a very definite end point to it at some stage, much less daunting than trying to embark on the task at the height of my film usage!

So now I have my slides all archived - I'd forgotten I'd even taken some of them as slides, I'd only remembered about my QYP '87 set. Turns out I have some of East Lothian, Glen Esk, St Andrews and a christening too! I've made a start on the negatives, but once I'm through the ones already sorted into some semblance of order it could be a slow process. But given how many boxes I have full of negatives I'm determined to make some serious inroads on the task so it all takes up less space.

It's amazing really just how many of the pictures I can recognize from a quick glimpse at a strip of negatives held up to the window. They hold a lot of memories. Revisiting them in this way is an interesting process; there isn't time to dwell on anything as each memory that comes up is quickly replaced by those associated with the next strip. It is all there: the good, the bad and the ugly... which does make me think how different my digital archive is in that I delete a lot of the blurry photos etc, and tend to thin out the multiple images once I've decided which of the (insert excessive number here) that I took of the same thing that I'm going to keep. But also it is far easier to delete images that don't have good memories attached to them when they aren't physically attached to others you do want to keep! In many cases the prints have long since gone of the 'bad' photos, but they still remain in the negatives. I guess like life you don't have to take those memories out and dwell on them regularly, but they still make up part of your life, and who you are. You can't cut them out!

So far the less than cheerful memories brought back are those that time has healed, as I'm working through the earliest part of my collection (I'm not entirely sure why I started with the year I did 15yrs ago, rather than at the beginning. Maybe the earlier negatives were 'in a box somewhere' at that stage!). It will be interesting to see how other years, times and places feel when I get to them. Useful too in terms of being something of a timeline checklist which fits in with the counselling sessions I go to.

For now the negatives are just getting labelled generally on the sheets they are in, maybe one day I'll get round to completing the detailed catalogue pages, but somehow I doubt I'll ever be that stuck for something to do! When I get bored of this task I'll switch back to photobooks for a while, but hopefully first I'll have at least one less box of negatives to store. And instead of all those boxes filling me with guilt and frustration each time I come across them (you have no idea how long it took me to find the negatives for the missing photos out of one album recently! But having finally found them I still haven't got the reprints done... hey ho), I'll have a wonderfully organised archive, and that has to be good for the soul as well. One day... but that day is not this day either, as now it is most definitely time for bed.

progress

I've mentioned before my plan to downsize my stuff with the ultimate aim of fitting it all in my room (bar kitchen items) rather than a sizeable amount of it still being 8km away where I used to live, not to mention the stuff still in Scotland! The latter of which will just have to stay put for now, but the nearer stuff in theory at least is possible to get here, once there is space to put it in.

Slowly but surely I've been plodding away a box, drawer, shelf at a time. Some stuff has gone to op/charity shops, some has been gifted on or added to the EcoCentre Trading Table, some clothing simply reclassified as craft material. Granted reclassifying clothing doesn't get rid of it, yet, but it does take up far less room squashed in a bag of material rather than neatly folded up in a drawer or hung in the wardrobe!

I've finally reached the point where thanks to some hanging shelving I can now fit all my clothes in the wardrobe and get rid of a chest of drawers - they are going to a friend in need of furniture. So soon at last I'll be able to have my 'American Cabinet' here, rather than it sitting in the garage in Pukepoto.

It is a very well travelled piece of furniture. It was a wedding present for my grandparents, who were married in the States in 1930, hence it's name. It was a wireless cabinet, but at some point my Grandad removed the wireless and it took on life as a general cupboard. It always used to smell of Grandad's St Bruno tobacco, and as it was where the dominoes and playing cards were kept it was a cupboard I knew well as a child. They moved up and down England and Scotland with it, as I did I, and then finally it came here in 2007, two years after I did. Hopefully it has forgiven me the +2yrs it spent in storage as I got it refurbished once it had reached Auckland.

It is an awkward size and shape, and not the most practical piece of furniture, but no matter what else I might manage to part with in my mission to at least potentially fit into a Tiny House, the cabinet will hopefully manage to stay with me. In my various doodlings of possible floor plans there has always had to be a space for the cabinet along with the Captain's swivel chair, which is also still in Pukepoto. If I can fit other things in too then great, but currently the bottom line of downsizing definitely still includes both of those, I'm hanging on to them 'as long as (I) canst'!

I've now also completed my second photobook - this time my complete set of Yorkshire Friends Holiday School photos from 1986, '88 and '89. Of course now I need to figure out what to do with the photos! I've posted an appeal on the YFHS Facebook page and hopefully someone will want them - a set of the scans is already in the HS archives. I've been slowly re-homing some of my YFCC photos from '87 & '88 (as far as I've got so far!) sending wee bundles off with letters to F/Friends who are in them. It is nice to be writing real letters again, they were such a huge feature of my life back then that it seems appropriate. Tracking down postal addresses (preferably without asking the intended recipient) has been interesting though - I hadn't realized just how many people I don't even have an email address for these days, I always use Facebook to contact them!

So the next step is collect a couple more boxes along with the cabinet. You never know, I might actually manage to reach my goal before I have a deadline of having to move hanging over me! Yeah right...

accountability

Earlier today I opened up my blog 'dashboard' amongst other internet tabs as a reminder that the month was slipping past and I really ought to write another post soon. Finishing one of the half written ones would be even better, but a new one would do should the inspiration come along.

It's getting towards the end of my day and I was starting to close down pages and winding things up for the night when I clicked on the blogger page and spotted that Charlotte had written a new post, so I read it, as one does, and realised that there was a certain synchronicity between what she'd written and what I'd been thinking about today. So in a 'think it, do it' burst of energy here's my tuppenceworth.

I'm sure I've mentioned before that for the last couple of years or so I've been aiming to write one blog post a week on average, something I've fallen woefully short of but on the other hand after a run of decidedly lean years my yearly total is better than it had been! Why blog? When I first started blogging I was in the process of emigrating and being Resident Friend in Wellington - both of which provided plenty of material to write about. Since then life has become far more everyday and the things that used to stand out as being new and different, ie Kiwi, are now very much the norm and I struggle to find examples now to explain how things are different from the UK because I've lost track of what isn't said/done there! Generally I'm reminded with a crash and a bang when I go back though.

But anyway, why blog? Part of it replaces the journals I used to write - stream of consciousness stuff that fills a stack of notebooks that at some point I probably ought to ceremoniously burn to protect the innocent. Yeah well not all of that sort of stuff ends up blogged by any means, after all there are libel laws, but aside from it being a way to update friends and family what is going on in my life blogging replaces the personal accountability side of the journalling. It used to feel like once I'd written an idea down it had to be followed through on, or at least attempted. It was a way of recording where my thinking was at on various issues, what progress I made, how many times I went around in circles on something etc. Like my commitment to blogging once a week on average - I'd set that challenge to myself, but once I'd mentioned it in a blog post I felt like I really had to try harder to stick to it!

Today has been a day of little tasks, small steps in various commitments that I've made to myself, some on here, some not yet. If all I manage each month is a record of some of those little steps then I'll feel more accountable for them, it adds an incentive to work at them. However I'm also aware that should I slip and not manage very much for a while (entirely possibly healthwise) it would be very easy to just not blog rather than face the fact that I've not achieved what I think I ought to be able to (and yes that is the subject of the half written blog post I haven't managed to finish yet!), so I have to be prepared to be honest and say I'm having a crap week, but that's okay, they happen. They happen to everyone, but most folk are better at not beating themselves up over it... for me that is work in progress, and hopefully I can record that progress when need be.

So today's small steps: I made some small cloth bags to use for bulk bin goods that I buy from the health food shop. I have some larger ones soaking in a bucket of oxygen whitener - they are old flour bags that are probably older than me! My plan is to give them a new lease of life, once they've been washed... This is all part of my ongoing process of removing unnecessary plastic from my life and gearing up towards this year's Plastic Free July.

I fixed the hem on a towel from the EcoCentre which had come undone in the wash - making things last, and it was repurposed in the first place, being quarter of the one large towel that there was there. Much better than buying new or using paper towels.

I did some work on my current quilting project - I've managed to make this one entirely from my existing stash of materials, part of my longer term plan to reduce the amount of stuff I have in my cupboard.

I sorted out some children's picture books to pass on to various f/Friends children when I see them later in the year. They are books I'd acquired when teaching but don't really need to keep, they have no particular sentimental value so will be much better off in a new home. Again part of my downsizing plans.

I scanned a load of photos - I've started on my project to turn a shelf full of photograph albums into photobooks which will take up far fewer shelf inches/feet. They are also photos that I'll put on Facebook once I've cleaned them up/rotated them etc as they are old YFCC ones - as Marion pointed out at YM I don't put many current photos on Facebook just ones that are 20yrs old to embarrass everyone! Not that I think they are embarrassing... but then not many of them are of me.

I made up a crock of GF flour mix - I have a couple of flour recipes I try to keep made up in bulk so I don't have to faff about with tablespoons of this that and the next thing when baking. I make the vast majority of my food from scratch rather than buy ready processed stuff. I have the time, and mostly the energy. Making a big casserole today was also part of that process - several days worth of meals made in one go. I just need to remember to put some aside in the freezer for a bad day rather than just eat my way through it all week, no matter how tempting that might be!

I also did some more work on getting the YM minutes ready for the printer, and did some Quaker networking, but the latter of those is probably another post in itself...

There were other things too, but pumpkin time is calling and I've an extra stint at the EcoCentre tomorrow as someone is away, so no chance of sloping off back to bed. Whilst not quite a record of creativity in the sense Charlotte was meaning this post has put out there some of what I'm working on in life at present - hopefully doing so will not only act as a record of where I'm at, but add an extra dose of accountability to myself more than anyone else, to keep track of progress and serve as a reminder in the not so good weeks that whilst I may not be able to do as much as I'd like in life still at least I can still do some things and change my life for the better.

ps sorry this is a bit rambling but if I start trying to edit it either I'll be late to bed or this won't get posted tonight, both of which I'm trying to avoid!

inspiration

I recently spent a long weekend at our Quaker Yearly Meeting which was held at the Quaker Settlement in Whanganui. It was reassuring to look back on YM last year and appreciate how much better I am healthwise compared to then. I managed to stay up chatting for 3 out of 5 nights away from home which I was very impressed with myself for managing given there was no leeway for a lie in!

One of those evenings was spent talking to Tracey about our future life options - downsizing featured big time for both of us. Seeking the flexibility it gives you to pretty much go anywhere fairly easily was high on both our lists of priorities. I'm in no hurry to move house, but when the time comes to do so I love the idea of being free to go wherever the spirit blows me without having to spend a silly amount of money moving or keeping things in storage. I (still!) don't have a long term life plan, but various posts on Facebook from friends struggling for assorted reasons have kindled the idea of having a time of being a Mary Poppins and going where needed to help out for a few weeks or months at a time before putting down roots anyplace else, although that obviously depends on being healthy enough to be useful.

One possible option to make that work (albeit with the cooperation of willing drivers!) is of course to have a Tiny House. Then I can take my home with me as sadly I don't have a carpet bag like Mary Poppins' or a handbag like Hermione's to fit in everything I'll need, and more importantly it would give me a quiet space of my own which massively increases the odds of staying healthy.

So when in the session the day after Tracey and I had been discussing this it was mentioned that QIET had funded a loan for a Tiny House our ears pricked up! Oooooh, maybe it could actually be possible?

The next day again after a presentation about the Settlement there were various guided tours around parts or all of the grounds. Lured by the words 'close and flat' (as opposed to a quick march over the hill in order to see the new dam and still be back in time for lunch!) and 'food forest' I followed Merilyn to see some of the new food production areas that they are developing on permaculture principles. I'm a big fan of improving the food productivity of the space we have available in an easy to maintain manner so I was keen to pick up a few tips and see how this aspect of the Settlement was developing.

At the end of the tour we stopped by at Michael & Merilyn's very small caravan which they are now living out of and renting out their house to a family who need the space far more than they do. Wow, it makes a Tiny House seem palatial! Granted they have all the communal facilities of the Settlement available to them, plus their daughter's house a few steps away complete with hot shower should they choose to use it rather than the cold outside one, which is quite different to having just that space available to them. But still it was a huge eye opener as to what they have found to be possible. Apparently the biggest challenge according to Merilyn was paring their clothes down to fit in the small wardrobe - which is about the size I thought would do just fine for me alone, and I thought that was fairly minimal!

It was lovely to hear Merilyn share how much she had enjoyed gifting various possessions that they needed to get rid of to fit into such a minute space, especially after recently writing this post about much the same. It renewed my determination to keep up that process and part with other things I've long since stopped using but haven't quite been able to let go of yet.

On a practical level it was interesting to hear how well insulated their caravan is, it is even double glazed and so is quite warm enough in winter. It could be another option for me, but I'm not (yet?) ready to let go of the few items of furniture I've inherited which could fit in a Tiny House, but not a caravan. Plus I suspect that a modern caravan of those specs would be a considerable financial outlay and the advantage of a Tiny House build is you don't need all the money at once, although it sounds like QIET would be up for lending it if needed. Something to ponder on, just as well there is no rush for a decision to be made!

Part of passing on the baton of my FWCC YM rep role to Ben was leaving him and Thomas with my supplies of spare copies of various AWPS newsletters and Friends World News etc whilst at YM. And that's another folder of stuff cleared out into the bargain! What's more that now means my files all now fit in my box-shelf properly and it looks a whole heap tidier, excellent.

So I got home with added determination to work my way through the remaining boxes that are out at Pukepoto, and reduce further the stuff I have here. I knew I had to get straight on to it whilst the fire was still burning in my belly rather than let it go back to smoldering embers which take that bit more effort to get going again. So I resolved to let go of a couple of much loved but rarely worn up here thick woolly cardigans. Perfect for Edinburgh and Wellington winters they might have been, but they just don't work for Far North frost at breakfast but back in t-shirts by lunchtime kind of days. I've hung on to them partly as I initially didn't know how long I'd be up here (at 8yrs and counting I think I can safely say it'll be a while...) and they'd come in handy if I ever moved back to Welly or similar. Well yes they would, but my multiple thin layers also work in cold places and when I do go there in winter I never take my big thick cardies anyway as they are big and thick and fill up half my rucksack!

So after a flash of inspiration one has already been re-homed to Christchurch, the other is still being deliberated over, but I'm ready to let it go. Looking round my room I was wondering 'what next?' and kept coming back to a shelf full of photo albums. I've scanned quite a lot of my photos now, mostly old Quaker ones to upload to Facebook so even though they pre-date film developed onto cds let alone digital I do now have electronic copies so I'm contemplating making some printed photobooks which will take up a fraction of the space. That will be a long term project to work through, but distinctly possible... my books on the other hand pose far more of a challenge.

Since getting home I've been on a roll of ticking off little jobs needing done, and I hope to keep up the momentum. Some of them are things I've been meaning to do for ages but haven't quite had the time and energy simultaneously, many of them are UFOs and PHDs (unfinished objects and projects half done) which take up a disproportionate amount of space in that state, both literally and mentally. The trick now is not to start other things but leave them unfinished as I uncover more potential projects!

Once getting the YM Minutes ready for the printers is done I'll be back to waiting in faith that 'something' work-wise will turn up. But it feels like I really have a longer term life project (downsizing) to focus on, and give a sense of purpose to my time. No matter where I end up living after here likely is to have less space rather than more, and it will be easier to go where the spirit blows me if I have less 'stuff' to move/store/fit in. However I can't quite see me reaching this level of downsizing, no matter how inspirational her story is!

snapshots

Seeing as I have a bit more time on my hands at the moment than I have had for some years I've been trying to get into the habit of using my camera more (photos here). Several of my friends have done the 365 challenge, ie a photo a day for the whole year - some have even done it more than once! I've been intrigued particularly by the variety and ingenuity of images posted on those days when it gets to almost bedtime and you realise you haven't taken one yet, as well as the wide range of day to day photos.

The first few months aren't quite such a challenge, but to keep finding new things around you on the days when you don't really go anywhere or do anything 'interesting' requires a whole different mindset as you walk around. I'm used to keeping my 'photographer's eye' open when travelling etc, but to do so day after day within the same environment is a challenge - especially when the day looks all set to be grey, dark and miserable! One recent photo published was all (unintentionally) blurry, but it had been the only photo taken that day, the photographer said '...it's terrible. But also not terrible, because that's the glowing white face of a girl I love a lot'. This reminded me of a bunch of photographs a child took with my camera one time at kindy - odd angles, half faces etc yet the child was delighted with them as they didn't just see the photos, but the associations and stories that went with them - which begs the question of priorities, who do we take photos for? Ourselves to keep memories alive, or for others to understand and/or appreciate too?

I've started taking more photos in the garden, partly to record the progress made as I try to get it back in to shape, but also because I want to capture something of the beauty I see in it. However with a camera that is starting to sulk I'm finding close-up work a challenge as it really doesn't want to focus there. This has led to some interesting results at times, where the original object of the photo is blurry but what is just behind it is crystal clear and often quite striking - just a pity that that glimpse isn't usually enough to make a decent picture in itself. I'm sure there is (yet) another metaphor for life here, about allowing yourself to see past the obvious to what is just beyond it but getting only a tantalising glimpse rather than the whole picture - is it enough to work with? Or do you need to go back and revisit it, and hope that this time you'll see more? Do we keep the blurry reminder as well as the new insight? As usual, far more questions than answers...