a story of life

Well after 5 years and almost 4 months the last of my stuff made it's way from Pukepoto to Kaitaia. I now have my captain's chair in my room, and additionally I now have a new (to me) cabinet that has a drop down cupboard door that acts as a desk. So now when I'm working from home I'm no longer either sitting on my bed or the sofa with my laptop on one of those bed trays that one of Phyllis' sons made for a school project around 50 years ago! Not that I have any plans to relinquish the tray, it's still going to be very handy, but ergonomically it isn't a cunning plan for lengthy use.

It was a bit strange really to bring away that last bit of my stuff, I lived there for four years and a month - so less time than I've been here, yet somehow it feels like it was way longer. Probably as so many big changes went on in my life there. I went from being on a visitor visa, to a student one, to a working towards full registration one, to permanent residency. I bumped into someone I used to see quite often in the years I was living at Pukepoto in the Post Office yesterday, he was posting off new passports for visa stickers to be added and we commiserated over the hold and amount of funds the Immigration has (had for me now!) over our lives. Marking the passage of time by what visa I have held seems perfectly normal. Not that the last five years have been 'samey', I got my citizenship and Kiwi passport whilst living here after all!

I put this photo of the chair and 'desk' on Facebook earlier, quickly downloaded off the camera, with no edits. When I came to put it on here I was about to crop it down, then really took note as to what was around the edges; my 'Triennial mug' on the shelf behind the glass door which has been used for pens etc for probably as many years now as it was used as a mug; my rather faded Guatemalan patchwork bedspread bought in Flores the one time I got to go to visit one of our overseas projects when I worked for an international development charity; my old purple dressing gown which apart from being wonderfully warm and snuggley is a reminder of the importance of being able to wear what you choose (long story...); and the first patchwork quilt I ever made... my first ever patchwork project is the photo too - the cushion cover on the chair was made from a Liberty patchwork kit I got when I was about 11 or 12, it got completed about 10yrs later! So a snapshot not only of the present, but of many chunks of my past, and the journey that led to me being here with them, and once I'd thought about them that way I couldn't bring myself to crop them out.

All too often details round the edges get cut off to improve the aesthetics of a picture, but they can provide a supporting narrative which is easily lost. What to cut out and what to keep.... the decluttering dilemma in a nutshell! As a (very part time) genealogist the idea of keeping things for posterity that tells the story of a people has a huge pull, and very much shaped my hoarding years. But I've learned to let go of 'stuff'; photos of everyday life can tell a lot of a story, without having to keep boxes and boxes of stuff to prove it happened, although I'll certainly be hanging on to my multi-stickered passport for a few years yet! So I'm going to try to remember that when editing photos, sometimes historical value is more important than art! Now if only I could manage to combine the two more effectively...

reconnected

After nine weeks we've finally got the phone and internet reconnected at the EcoCentre. It got disconnected in error by some other teleco inputting some code telling ours they were taking over the account when they weren't. It has been something of a nightmare to get sorted  - thankfully not by me after my experiences of having to do the same at home when it happened to us last year. Luckily ours got reconnected the same day; having an emergency call alarm running via the phone no doubt bumping us up the priority list.

Anyway the upshot of being offline at the EcoCentre has meant I've been doing all the emails for the EcoCentre and Kaitaia TimeBank plus maintaining both Facebook pages from home instead of during my hours at the EcoCentre, so my blog has been somewhat neglected of late. There's only so much time I can spend at a computer in one day and not get a stonking headache, even with my new progressive/varifocal glasses.

Putting in the extra hours has pushed me over my energy limits somewhat, especially as the weeks have included two weekends away from home doing Quaker things: our MM residential gathering in Kerikeri, and a weekend in Auckland attending a seminar on Eldership as well as taking part in various 3rd Sunday activities. It was well worth going to both though, as much to connect with people in 'real life' rather than via skype (my usual mode of attending MM) and other online means (how our Outreach Committee functions). However my 'fibro brain' has meant my forgettery has been working overtime and no matter how many reminders I've left myself in various places I've managed to miss the Online Meeting for Worship at Woodbrooke for the last few weeks (It's at 9.30am Weds and 1pm Fridays UK time - I try to get to the Weds one, the other being at midnight for us!). However I now have google calendar set up with a pop-up reminder ten minutes before it starts so at least if I'm on the computer already I've a hope of catching it from now on! Another way to connect with people, albeit remotely via the internet.

I'm looking forward to life resuming some sense of 'normality' again, and being able to feel like I'm keeping up with the world. I might even get past the end of January with the uploading of my photos on to Flickr before the end of this month, I've finished getting Summer Gathering on there and have almost got to the final leg of the journey home!

Now, I'd best go and have lunch before my afternoon shift at the EcoCentre starts, I'm quite looking forward to being able to get all those bits of paperwork that I need to print off for our annual accounts. Never thought I'd ever hear myself say that, it's amazing what a lack of connectivity can do to change ones perspective on life!

How do I show up to serve?

Between my work at the EcoCentre and being on our MM Outreach Committee (Quakers) I've been rapidly coming to the conclusion in recent weeks that I need to do some serious upskilling in the field of online content and management. The idea of signing up for a year long course through the polytechnic felt more than a little bit daunting given I am still getting to grips with having upped my regular 'work' hours, paid and voluntary, so I decided to try some webinars as I really needed some input now rather than in a year or twos time when my health might be more conducive to study.

One was run by Tech Soup, a Kiwi organization that supports charities with technical services etc and was about website content - I had a meeting when it was broadcast so I've now got the recording and need to make time to go through it. The other was by Jill Winger, whose e-newsletter, blog and Facebook page The Prairie Homestead has become regular reading for me in recent years. She's been the inspiration for many of my ventures into Urban Homesteading even though she's rural based rather than urban. There's nothing like thinking that if a city girl gone bush can do it, so can I! Over the years she's become a professional blogger, as well as a homesteader, so she's now sharing her experience with other bloggers.

I'm not expecting to ever turn this blog into anything much more than it's current ramble through life, it's purpose has been primarily as a window into my life for whānau and f/Friends who are spread around the world; if others come across it and enjoy it then great, welcome on board, please excuse the mess.... But I've seen blogging be used as a great outreach tool, and I can see the potential for a blog being part of the revamped EcoCentre site when that happens (later this year funding applications willing...). And if the EcoCentre blog/website can help bring in some funds as well then that would be brilliant. So what had originally started off as idle curiosity some time back when Jill asked in one of her e-mailings if anyone would be interested in a webinar on blogging, suddenly became highly relevant and I was glad I'd put my hand up.

What really struck me in her webinar today were some of the questions she put out there as needing to be addressed when planning a blog:

Who am I?
Why do I want to blog?
What do I have to offer?
How do I show up to serve?
What is my message?
Who am I going to help?

As I hurriedly scrawled those down on the back of an envelope I thought they were pretty good life questions in general, let alone for blogging, even as a career! The last few years of my life have been a bit vague in those areas as I've transitioned from being an Early Childhood teacher, to someone who can barely stay awake all day, to someone doing a bit of this a bit of that and wondering where it is all heading... they would've been useful questions to have on hand sooner to help me focus on what I wanted to be doing.

As it happens things have been starting to crystallize and I'm quite happy with the way things are heading. I've had time to 'practice' being in the EcoCentre slowly picking up more and more of the admin and finance tasks. I've been quite clear about saying 'no' to tasks I haven't felt ready for, and those around me have known me when both well (relatively speaking!) and really sick, so if we ever do get the funding to pay me for the work I'm doing I know there won't be any unrealistic expectations and I'll have a supportive environment to work in (and even a warm one too this winter if we get resource consent for the woodstove!). Alongside that I'm enjoying the work putting together the Yearly Meeting documents (and yes it is much easier this year having done it before), and there might be other work of a similar ilk I can help the YM Clerk with.

Being realistic even if I had managed to get my head around those questions a year or so ago it would probably have been frustrating more than anything else as I wasn't up to doing much about it. So I guess as per usual the universe is unfolding as it should.

I hope as the years roll by I'll always be able to 'step out and take my dreams seriously' as Jill said, rather than listen to all the people who say take the safe conventional route. She's right in that the biggest hurdle is getting past the fear you'll fall on your face and they'll all say 'I told you so', but better to fall on your face having given it your best shot than never having tried. As I reminded a friend on Facebook recently who was being self-depreciating about her slow jog compared to other's rather more athletic approach to triathlon training, she's lapping everyone still sitting on the couch. She may come in last (but probably won't), but the most important thing is she's stepped up to the challenge. Especially as she wasn't a runner, cyclist nor swimmer before signing up!

I keep coming back to the question Jill threw in to the mix 'How do I show up to serve?' and a diagram the same triathlon heading friend shared on Facebook:



I'm not quite sure where I'd put myself on this diagram right now, but I'm aiming for the middle. Both how to get there and 'how do I show up' is one step at a time...

intermission

Okay so it has been a while since I've blogged, several reasons - a stinking head cold, a dying laptop, coming off the herbal meds that make day to day life bearable for a fortnight in preparation for a minor op which happened yesterday, and trying to get to grips with a new laptop which I still haven't managed to make talk to my camera.

I do have an almost finished post about my Plastic Free July attempts but the final photo is still on my camera... I should just finish it and post it without the photo, but promises of help are in the offing so fingers crossed I'll have it sussed soon! Meanwhile I have continued the exercise into August, but more on that later.

Anyway, I'm now back on my meds which help my head work, although also popping painkillers like smarties again whilst my innards recover. The world is slowly coming back into focus again and hopefully normal service will be resumed shortly....

slow progress

Ooops, I'd been on a bit of a roll keeping up with blogging, but then I had another week or so of brain fade, and got out of the habit again... plus of course I also needed to catch up on all the other things that hadn't got done! A couple of projects have just had to be shelved temporarily until I can find a day with time, energy, enthusiasm and inspiration all co-inciding, which seems impossible to schedule in advance!

The projects are a couple of Quaker leaflets - one for our Monthly Meeting, and one using the Kabarak Call for Peace and Ecojustice which will come under the FWCC reps budget line for Yearly Meeting. Yes I know I officially stopped being a rep at the end of December, but poor old Noms Com still haven't found a replacement name to put forward yet and Thomas has the small matter of a book to finish for publication on top of having moved cities and started a new job this year so he's been a bit preoccupied! I have however managed to complete two other leaflets about FWCC ready for YM next week, and a booklet for MM which isn't bad considering a few months ago I could only manage to use the computer for about quarter of an hour at a time.

Part of what slowed me down was getting frustrated trying to work on the tiny screen of my notebook, my laptop is in far worse shape than me and I've been eeking out its existence by only switching it on once a fortnight or so to download, edit and upload photos (and save to another external back-up!). However my laptop has just gone off to the computer doc who will hopefully have more success figuring out what is wrong with it than the medical docs are doing sorting me out... so no pressure Brad!

The last few months though have certainly made me appreciate the small achievements that do get made all the more. I try to remember to feel good about it when I do remember to do something rather than beat myself up when yet again I forget to take paperwork to an appointment or completely forget I was supposed to do something etc. My old fall back of my 'to do list' book is of dubious value at present given I can go days (ahem, weeks...) without remembering to look to see what still needs doing! I had to look at a map the other day to remember the name of the street where I last lived in the UK as I filled in a form as my mind went completely blank, an appeal on Facebook (yay for keeping in touch with former flatmates!) and Google Streetview provided me with confirmation of the house number. I felt a great deal of sympathy for my Granny that day, unlike her worries at least I know it is unlikely to be dementia kicking in just yet! On the plus side at least I knew how to track down the information I needed, even if I couldn't remember it...

A big plus though this week has been able to get out and about a bit under my own steam. I can walk far enough now to be useful - the doctors, chemist and the post office are within reach again (the three places I seem to need most often right now!). Now I just need to hone the skill of estimating how far I can walk so I don't get caught out (again) having got 'there' but not quite had enough energy to get 'back'! It is just as well we have plenty of benches along our main shopping street I can tell you.

The next big adventure though is rapidly approaching - four more days until I set off to Yearly Meeting via Wellington & Blenheim. Thankfully I have lots of lovely people lined up to help me en route, I just have to remember where I'm supposed to be when and hope I manage to pack everything I need and carry it....

coming ready or not....

Well I've sent off my registration for Yearly Meeting in May, and booked all my travel. All I have to do now is make sure I'm well enough to make going worthwhile. At least I've now got a date for my initial specialist appointment and not only does it not clash, I can see the visiting gynaecologist here rather than travelling down to Whangarei which makes life a bit easier.

This year Yearly Meeting will be somewhat different. It is being held at Curious Cove in the Marlborough Sounds and access is by boat from Picton. It will probably mean that those who do attend will almost all be there for the whole event unlike recent years where there has been a high number of day visitors, and folk who only come for the actual weekend and have to be back at work by Monday. Whether the lure of the setting will encourage enough who don't usually to come to make up for those who can't take that much time off remains to be seen.

There are a couple of issues that look like they'll be coming up that I'm hoping we can make some progress on, outreach and paying Friends for taking on various tasks. Two very thorny issues in this YM. Apart from the part time administrator of QIET we have no-one employed through our YM to do our work, directly or indirectly beyond cleaning some of our Meeting Houses. A couple of Friends at the Quaker Settlement are paid by Earlham College for the work they do to support their Environmental and Cultural Studies programme here but fantastic as that work is, it isn't part of our YM's work. Having grown up within Britain YM which has Friends House full of staff, Woodbrooke, NFPB and many other places with paid posts working at a mixture of local, regional and national level; and having been a Quaker employee on the wardening team at Edinburgh Quaker Meeting House, doing the admin for both FWCC EMES, and the 2005 World Gathering of Young Friends to me paying Friends to do the work needed is not the anathema it is to some here. Yes we are considerably smaller than Britain YM, but we do still try to cover a lot of the same ground if to a lesser extent.

From what Friends in the know have said, it seems to take a YM of about 1,000 members to support a full time administrator (although there are notable exceptions of much smaller YMs funding one). We have about half that number, so a part-time person could well be justified. And if we had someone paid then we could do more outreach which could well boost out numbers... but then there are those who throw their hands up in horror at the idea of outreach, usually those who are refugees from the more evangelistic churches. But as one of the main messages of the World Conference of Friends 2012 in Kenya points out, now is not the time to be hiding our light under a bushel - we need to stand up and be counted, be open about what we are doing and why in order to give hope to others as well as promote our own causes. We can't be spotted by our Quaker bonnets and refusing hat honour any more, we need to be visible in other ways. The open publicity around Quaker support for same sex marriages in Britain is a great example of this. We have a same sex couple as our YM co-clerks, and what did we manage when the same legislation came up here? As far as I can figure out an article in their local newspaper and not much else!

So, we are being asked in our Documents in Advance if we agree to paying someone to produce and distribute next years Docs in Advance rather than that task falling on the shoulders of the YM Clerks. Baby steps indeed, and a far cry from what could be done.... also rumbling around (still...) is the concept of getting at least some of our national newsletter (of which I'm now on the editorial team) on our website  - as yet we seem to be fighting a losing battle (not a very Quakerly analogy I realise!) to get this out in the public domain, not hidden away in some corner where only current Kiwi Quakers can log in to read it. Being able to link articles via social media such as blogs, Facebook, Twitter etc would vastly raise our profile. Our MM Outreach Committee is similarly wanting to have an outreach focused public web presence, but we keep getting stuck in the same bog - it is hardly outreach if you have to be a member and log on to see it! And no, a discrete link at the bottom of the home page for local events wasn't quite what we had in mind either... File under 'work in progress'.

As someone who has blogged for years, has a Flickr account and uses Facebook daily as well as worked on  and used various Quaker websites over the years I'm not exactly shy when it comes to having an online presence. However the majority of Friends who attend YM are of a generation less used to such and this is I think where much of the problem lies. They say they want to reach out to those who automatically use Google to find out what they want to know, but then get very agitated about putting personal information (including names in articles etc) online. Currently the newsletter team is trying to figure out what response we can give to go in White Papers to try to move the issue forward ready for YM, maybe this year we'll finally get somewhere, after all it has been talked about for years now!

As someone with distinct Luddite tendencies when it comes to technology (I blame my Yorkshire upbringing!) it seems somewhat ironic that I'm amongst those trying to drag our YM into the C21st, but probably it is better me wanting to link to articles on Facebook and here on my blog, rather than someone +20yrs my junior pushing for smartphone apps and a Twitter feed - back to those baby steps again. Hopefully it will all come to pass eventually, whether certain Friends are ready or not. But given how slow Quaker process takes I don't think there is much chance of us ever being up there with cutting edge technology!

routine

Routine is something that various philosophers, educationalists and so on have claimed to be good for a persons hauora (well being). Routines and rituals provide the bedrock upon which so many of the worlds churches have been built as an organisation.

But so far this year any sense of an ongoing routine in my life has been lacking. The first few days of the year were very structured seeing as I was at Summer Gathering - mealtimes were set, daily worship and sessions were part and parcel of the day. Then came a few days of travel where the next departing bus or plane were what defined the shape of life. Once home it was fairly easy to slip into 'holiday mode' - no alarm clocks, take each day as it comes... the 'to do' list defined the day, what had reached the 'urgent' status or what looked like the most attractive alternative! Then came a couple more weeks of travel visiting F/friends and family in Melbourne and back here.

By this point (i.e. mid February) I was starting to feel the lack of consistency in my days so was quite glad to have lined up 5 days of lunch cover at the nearest kindergarten to home. Only a couple of hours each day but it provided a definition to the day that I'd been missing - plus lunchtimes are one of the most structured parts of the kindergarten day so it was easy to know what I should be doing when even amidst what were to start with a lot of unfamiliar children.

On facebook Deb shared something she'd learnt at the recent Webstock event "One big thing that I personally took away from this year's Webstock is: less passive consumption of information and more creative production. One of our speakers, Clay Johnson, said that the first thing he does in the morning, before he checks his email or Twitter or anything, is write 500 words. Every single morning. And that puts his brain into a creative, productive, active mode rather than starting off in a passive, reactive mode."  and it made me realise that I start every day very much in the passive mode, be it reading facebook or emails, listening to the radio etc. The idea of being creative first thing (beyond making breakfast - which is always the same so I don't have to even think about that) seemed like an anathema, definitely in the territory of 'here be dragons' and woe betide anyone who tried to convince me otherwise.

But it got me thinking. At the moment life is a bit different anyways as there is no way I can lie in bed and check facebook before breakfast as Rosie (the cat) comes to tell me she wants breakfast the minute she hears me stir. So rather than switch on the laptop this morning I switched on the kitchen radio and sat down with my porridge still not to emails but to the newspaper (yesterdays as we don't get a Sunday one), after all as it is turning up 6 days a week already paid for I should at least glance through it whilst I'm the only one home! As the computer wasn't already on it was far easier to then go and do something else constructive (a small amount of housework) before engaging with the online world.

I don't think I'll ever be the sort to leap straight into action every morning, I still need time to surface and just take in the world as a part of my morning routine. But whilst I 'have' to get up straight away each morning upon waking I'll see if I can get into a routine of leaving the laptop until later rather than letting it start my day.