Tuesday, February 04, 2014


Through facebook I've watched several friends over the last couple of years or so record daily what they are grateful for, either in photos or status updates. Reminders that it is the little things each day that help us get through the toughest of times. Various images have also been circulated with the quote On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100%, and that's pretty good.

It is perhaps unsurprising really that each of those who have undertaken this gratitude journalling have been those who have for various reasons had a hefty dose of 'bad days' either currently or in their not so distant past. Being in an incapacitated or vulnerable state certainly makes small acts of kindness feel all the more important, not only in simple practical survival stakes - getting to shops and appointments, collecting prescriptions etc, but the emotional support and stepping up to do the needful when things get a bit much, not to mention sending lovely care packages, messages of loving support and prayers.

I've been feeling very blessed with the support I've been getting, literally from around the world. However what I'm living with just now whilst uncomfortable, unpleasant and decidedly limiting is nothing compared to those with life threatening conditions, and hopefully isn't a long term state of being. I'm gradually being able to read for a little longer in a day and have started to catch up on some f/Friends' blog posts rather than just the bare essentials of emails and facebook (and yes, in my world facebook counts as essential - however only the updates; games, funnies, articles and quizzes are definitely optional extras). One of the blogs is Anders' he's on the lung transplant waiting list and he'd joking commented on my facebook update linking to my previous blog post 'I hope you aren't trying to compete with me!' - I sure hope not too. I'll take having a bloated stomach that looks like I'm 4 or 5 months pregnant (rather than the more usual three...) over having a collapsed lung and being stuffed full of weight gaining steroids and half the pharmacy any day. Whilst I think about if, if you aren't on your country's organ donor register yet, please join. I like my friends to be alive but if the worst happens I'd rather you helped someone else to remain so.

As I fumble my way around the kitchen struggling to do what to me are regular tasks of baking bread and making yoghurt that I can usually do on autopilot amidst three other things at once, I am reminded of the quirky quotes a f/Friend often shares on facebook about the problems faced by someone (like her) with ADHD such as I have been told I have AHDH, but I don't think I - hey look a squirrel! Although it isn't that everything is interesting at once but that my mind wanders off on a tangent and then I find myself standing in front of a cupboard or the fridge, hand on the door looking at it completely blankly because my autopilot got me that far but then spluttered to a stop and the rest of my mind has no idea of where I am up to or what happens next. I've been in this boat so many times before though I long since stopped getting worried about it. It happens pretty much every time I get really sick, overtired, run down, stressed out etc. I just have to remember to avoid multi-tasking and set the kitchen timer more often when cooking - however it does help when I then don't put it straight back in the drawer...but whilst this fuddled brain state is no stranger, it isn't a constant companion for which I am extremely grateful. And for my family's information, no, I haven't yet put the baked beans in the teapot, either literally or metaphorically. Although it has come close...

Well the timer has just gone, I can smell the bread from here, so I'd better go and take it out of the oven before I forget! Then, if I remember, I'll come back and proof-read this before posting rather than after...