same journey, many paths

Many have returned home from Yearly Meeting enthused and invigorated by the move to spend the coming months focusing on Spiritual Nurture and Outreach. We have much to offer that is different from other churches. Rather than having a set creed we see ourselves as on a journey, seeking as did those early Friends, a spiritual path, together. But that doesn't mean it is the same path for all—often it feels more like a scribble than a linear progression. With the nurturing fellowship of other Friends to hold us in the Light as we worship together we find our way forward.

‘Our social testimonies’ was a common response when Friends were asked what is it they want people to associate with the word Quaker. One of those testimonies is sustainability. As with our faith, our journeys vary considerably, we have no creed here either.

That we need to act is not in doubt, and we need to act to the best of our abilities, in whatever form that may take. For some that may be avoiding non-recyclable plastics or air travel, only buying secondhand clothes or locally sourced food.

There is no one size fits all answer, what is important is that we are on the journey, supporting each other and celebrating our progress as we work together towards a common goal.

In this time of spiritual nurture, I hope we can remember the words of Isaac Penington: “Our life is love, and peace, and tenderness; and bearing one with another, and forgiving one another, and not laying accusations one against another; but praying one for another, and helping one another up with a tender hand.”

Editorial for Aotearoa New Zealand Friends Newsletter, Sept 2016

I normally have to have my arm twisted rather hard to write the editorial for the Newsletter, but this time I volunteered. I was getting rather fed up of the tone of various articles we'd received over the last year or so that were busy telling Friends what they 'ought' to be doing to tackle climate change. Maybe it is because of the work I'd been doing getting unrealistic/irrational 'oughts' out of my own life that it hit a nerve so strongly, but also if there's one thing that has been guaranteed to put my back up for decades it is being told how I 'should' live my life.

I obviously wasn't alone in feeling somewhat put out either, and to me there's something very wrong when Friends feel vilified for not buying in to someone else's pet 'cure' when it is glaringly obvious that there isn't a magical panacea that will solve all the problems and each of the solutions creates or exacerbates other issues which may in some cases prove to be more problematic down the line.

If we required all our members (and presumably attenders too) to adhere to every one of the 'solutions' put forward we might as well give up now on restructuring our Yearly Meeting as there'll be no-one left. Not even the most ardent campaigners, as none of them can incorporate all of the lifestyle 'requirements' being pedaled, well not and continue to live comfortable lives connected to the rest of the outside world and I've yet to see any evidence of anyone giving that up to such an extent. 

I'm pretty sure we don't want to revert to the days when Friends got disowned for breaking certain expectations, and we'd be hard pushed to find anyone with enough moral high ground to stand on to enforce such if we did. There are enough things in the world aimed at guilt tripping us into striving for unachievable, and often undesirable 'ideals', most of which are fairly superficial in the greater scheme of things. Dealing with climate change is a much bigger issue than fashion, body shape, the latest game craze etc, so don't put people off engaging with doing what they can by setting it out in the same way as a list of things the cool kids are doing and if you don't you are substandard, lacking, or unworthy... 

Surely it would be better to foster a supportive environment where folk feel encouraged to question, query and explore the issues and possible solutions together. We can share stories of our successes, and failures, in a way that inspires others to follow and try to reduce their own environmental impact, rather than leave them feeling inadequate and chastised. Make it manageable, like the 'Less Stuff' Facebook group I'm in that encourages people to tackle the clutter in their lives 5 things, and/or 5 minutes at a time. Lisa has a great website with all the prompts and worksheets on, but it is being part of a sharing virtual community that is willing to be vulnerable and share our 'before' photos as well as our 'after' ones, and acknowledge to ourselves and remind each other that we each have different factors limiting our capacities to be 'perfect' (whatever that might be!) that keeps many of us chipping away at the task. As someone said recently it's nice to have the warmth and support of the group when no-one around them would appreciate their efforts!

In the Quaker Lecture at Yearly Meeting this year Marion Hobbs spoke of wanting to start a blog for sharing the successful peacebuilding stories as so often what we hear about are the conflicts rather than the solutions. We need that encouragement that things are possible to keep going, we need to feel it is achievable, it is within our grasp and capacity to create change. We can all keep chipping away at things in our own lives even if we can't all stop international conflicts, but we need to feel empowered to do what we can, not criticized for the things we aren't doing. 

So please do continue to share your ideas, your challenges, your journeys, I've learned so much from reading many a blog post and journal article. But please remember to be mindful that the journeys of others may take a different route, and that is okay. I'm sure several of those whose articles have caused hurt would be mortified to know that was the case, and I'm certainly not accusing them of doing it deliberately. Meanwhile I'll keep trying to cut back on the plastic in my life and try not to feel uncomfortably guilty when I get on a plane from Auckland to Wellington to save myself 11hrs of road travel on top of around 8hrs I'll have already done to get to the airport.

a story of life

Well after 5 years and almost 4 months the last of my stuff made it's way from Pukepoto to Kaitaia. I now have my captain's chair in my room, and additionally I now have a new (to me) cabinet that has a drop down cupboard door that acts as a desk. So now when I'm working from home I'm no longer either sitting on my bed or the sofa with my laptop on one of those bed trays that one of Phyllis' sons made for a school project around 50 years ago! Not that I have any plans to relinquish the tray, it's still going to be very handy, but ergonomically it isn't a cunning plan for lengthy use.

It was a bit strange really to bring away that last bit of my stuff, I lived there for four years and a month - so less time than I've been here, yet somehow it feels like it was way longer. Probably as so many big changes went on in my life there. I went from being on a visitor visa, to a student one, to a working towards full registration one, to permanent residency. I bumped into someone I used to see quite often in the years I was living at Pukepoto in the Post Office yesterday, he was posting off new passports for visa stickers to be added and we commiserated over the hold and amount of funds the Immigration has (had for me now!) over our lives. Marking the passage of time by what visa I have held seems perfectly normal. Not that the last five years have been 'samey', I got my citizenship and Kiwi passport whilst living here after all!

I put this photo of the chair and 'desk' on Facebook earlier, quickly downloaded off the camera, with no edits. When I came to put it on here I was about to crop it down, then really took note as to what was around the edges; my 'Triennial mug' on the shelf behind the glass door which has been used for pens etc for probably as many years now as it was used as a mug; my rather faded Guatemalan patchwork bedspread bought in Flores the one time I got to go to visit one of our overseas projects when I worked for an international development charity; my old purple dressing gown which apart from being wonderfully warm and snuggley is a reminder of the importance of being able to wear what you choose (long story...); and the first patchwork quilt I ever made... my first ever patchwork project is the photo too - the cushion cover on the chair was made from a Liberty patchwork kit I got when I was about 11 or 12, it got completed about 10yrs later! So a snapshot not only of the present, but of many chunks of my past, and the journey that led to me being here with them, and once I'd thought about them that way I couldn't bring myself to crop them out.

All too often details round the edges get cut off to improve the aesthetics of a picture, but they can provide a supporting narrative which is easily lost. What to cut out and what to keep.... the decluttering dilemma in a nutshell! As a (very part time) genealogist the idea of keeping things for posterity that tells the story of a people has a huge pull, and very much shaped my hoarding years. But I've learned to let go of 'stuff'; photos of everyday life can tell a lot of a story, without having to keep boxes and boxes of stuff to prove it happened, although I'll certainly be hanging on to my multi-stickered passport for a few years yet! So I'm going to try to remember that when editing photos, sometimes historical value is more important than art! Now if only I could manage to combine the two more effectively...

Plastic Free July and all that

Whoa, where did August get to? I started this at the beginning of the month and figured I'd best get it finished before September got here!

Whilst this is the 3rd year I've done the Plastic Free July challenge, it is the first time I've known others doing it. I put posters up about it at the EcoCentre last year, but whilst various folk commented on it to me and said it was a good idea no-one said they would give it a go. However it turns out that several of them did, and this year they were willing to push it further within our local community.

Three times in July we've had stalls at the market, along with a bottle buy-back scheme with a grant from the Far North District Council where folk could get 10c refund for every clean, lidless, number 1 plastic (PET) bottle they brought along. We had $500 to give away, but it has taken all three market days plus some additional time at the EcoCentre to work through less than half of it. It takes time to bring about a change in people's habits, and whilst every weekend in July would've been better in terms of promoting the scheme it would've been much harder on our volunteers, especially as the first Saturday in July was a very cold and frosty morning! (yes, frosty. In Kaitaia, the so-called 'Winterless North'!). Momentum is building for a national container deposit scheme like they have in South Australia, so there is hope of bringing about change and getting more plastic, glass and aluminium recycled. But it would be better still if we didn't use so much plastic in the first place. We've had another 'buy-back' earlier this month and have got one last push this Saturday where we hope to hand out the rest

I was working at the EcoCentre the other day when a woman came in assuming we were the i-Site (Tourist Information Centre), this is far from unusual as they used to be in the building we use, but shifted almost 4yrs ago into Te Ahu when it was opened. But rather than head straight back out when I pointed her in the right direction to find them (all of 100m away, if that) she asked So what is this place then? I saw your 'say no to single use plastic' sign, it's something I know I need to do more about, but don't know where to start. Well about half an hour later she headed off with lots to think about and some ideas to bring about change in the flat she shares in Auckland. Like many people she knows the theory of what to do, but gets stuck on the practice. Habits, as I said, take time to change. I have always found it easiest to change one thing at a time, and once it becomes normal practice and you don't have to think about it any more then add in something new.

For me a simple step was always carry around with me a cloth shopping bag. I've added to that more recently by also having a wee pouch with some cotton bags that I get flour, grains etc in from the bulk bins at the health food shop, and some net bags for produce, or larger bulk bin items like nuts that are big enough not to work their way out of the mesh. They are always there, like my purse, my keys and (usually!) my phone. That way I don't have to think about it when I go shopping, and if I want to impulse shop after (or even at) work I don't find myself caught short needing to use plastic bags.

One of the questions our visitor asked was about plastic bin liners, how do you manage without them? Well in our kitchen we do use a plastic carrier bag as a bin liner, but we empty that into the rubbish sack in the garage and re-use the bag until it gets too torn. It doesn't get very dirty as we rinse any food containers out before putting them in there, and we compost, and wash then recycle far more than we throw away. We could of course not use a liner and wash the bin out more often, or make newspaper liners, but that is a step yet to be taken in this household. I explained that I stopped having a bin in every room, if you have to walk to a different room to dispose of your rubbish it is mentally easier to ensure you put it in the recycling or compost rather than landfill. I was asked about sanitary towels etc, what did I do about those? Well having used a menstrual cup for years until no longer required that hadn't been problem for me, and I now use homemade washable pantiliners daily as what remains of my menstrual cycle is minimal but highly irregular. But between us we figured out that a pile of paper bags in the bathroom, or even old newspaper, would mean there was something to put sanitary towels in before taking them to a central bin.

Having someone else to problem-solve our dilemmas with is why forums such as the Plastic Free July Facebook page come in to their own, even better are local support groups. That is why we held a 'Plastic Free Lunch' at the end of July at the EcoCentre. Those who could/remembered brought along their 'dilemma bags' the single use plastic they hadn't managed to avoid and it was interesting even with a relatively small sample how much difference there was in content. Having a group together meant we solved a couple of 'where can you buy ...... in a non-plastic container?' queries, and we came up with a way to repurpose something which was actioned as soon as we tidied up. But the discussion, and my reflections on looking at what was in the JYF Camp 'dilemma bag', brought up the question as to when certain packaging had changed. Having swapped countries and moved from cities to a small town it's hard for me to say on some things, especially ones I don't generally shop for. In Wellington you could get loo roll wrapped in paper, but shipped over from Australia, whereas the Kiwi made stuff was in plastic..., up here I've generally not been the one shopping for it so couldn't say when paper wrapped loo roll ceased to be available. Same with cheese, I don't know when it ceased to be available cut off the block and only came shrink wrapped up here as it isn't something I eat let alone buy. I'm guessing thought that such availability locally predates my arrival in the country. Someone is going to ask our local butcher if they'll let them use their own containers for meat, not much help to me, but good for the community in general if they will. The lunch itself was delivered plastic free, the soup arrived in the pan it had been cooked in (and then reheated on our woodstove! Oh how wonderfully warm it gets in there now), the bread bought from the market came in a paper bag, and the home made flapjack arrived in a tin. It's making the small habitual steps like using a tin rather than a plate with clingfilm/glad wrap/saran wrap over it that can build up and shift your use of plastic without it being a major upheaval in life.

When I was at JYF Camp one of the other leaders said how he struggled to understand people getting rid of perfectly good plastic things that still had life in them, and he saw that as creating more waste not less and he couldn't see the point. Well yes if they are throwing those things out it is counterproductive, but mostly they get rehomed/recycled. I've been slowly swapping my assorted plastic kitchen containers for glass or ceramic ones, as I've found the less plastic I have the easier it is to be strong willed not to let new plastic in to the house. In clearing out a neighbour's kitchen recently I had the opportunity to have first pick of the stuff she had, and several things I put to one side only to return them to the 'getting rid of' boxes as they were plastic. They were all 'it would be nice to have...' items rather than essentials, so I could wait until I found a metal/glass/wooden one etc. There was of course also the 'yes it would be nice to have but where the heck would I put it?' factor. Whilst we've cleared a lot of stuff out over the years I've been living here there is still a distinct lack of spare space in the house, mainly due to having gained two part time residents!

So with July over for this year we're now starting to plan ahead at the EcoCentre for next year, where is our 'plastic free' campaign going to take us next? All kinds of ideas are buzzing around, but like with implementing change in our own homes we need to do this at an incremental level that is sustainable, we want to bring people with us on this journey, not scare them off.

re-purposed

I've done a lot of decluttering over the last year or so, so I'm getting to the trickier stage where all the easy stuff has gone. However I was really pleased with myself today. I've been trying to reduce the amount of plastic in my life (check out 'Plastic Free July') and had been thinking earlier today about what plastic was left that could still be replaced. I came up with the plastic scoops in various flour/grain crocks in the kitchen. 

Then I thought back to last month, and on the way home from having a shared meal and Meeting for Worship at Helen & Keith's, Nancy and I had called in to the Bush Fairy Dairy in Peria, which is something of a local icon. I'd been hearing about it since I first moved up here, but this was the first time I'd ever been! They have an assortment of old china cups in their bulk bins rather than scoops - great thought I, I could get some wee coffee cups at the op shop! Oh but I'm trying not to bring in more clutter.... Hmmm...... then lightbulb moment! When going through my blanket box when I retrieved it from Pukepoto I came across a dolls china tea set I'd had since childhood, and I'd failed yet again to add it to the 'get rid of pile' and had put it back in the blanket box thinking this is silly, but I really can't bear to part with it. 

But the cups have now been washed up, the +30yr old newspaper it was wrapped in added to the fire basket, and I now have beautiful china cups to use instead of plastic scoops - even if they don't hold quite as much (about 1/3 cup) it doesn't really matter. The scoops can go, and the cups will now get used regularly. So now I feel much better about them sitting in a box for decades and surviving several rounds of major decluttering over the years, not to mention a trip half way around the world and several years in paid for storage!

The teapot lost it's glaze inside years back having got left with water in when it must've been cracked (I used to use it top up the water in an essential oils diffuser), so that never made it to Aotearoa NZ. But I still have the milk jug and saucers.... now I just need to figure out how to use those too.

UFOs and Phds....

My name is Anna and I'm a crafter.... mostly sewing, but sewer looks like something the drains empty into and let's not go there! (I don't feel as though I qualify as a seamstress - to me it implies a level of professionalism I don't have)

So why the Alcoholics Anonymous style start? Well if you don't know you're unlikely to be a crafter of any sort! There aren't many who can take up such a past time without a level of addiction creeping in, whether it is collecting the most amazing stash of fabrics, wool, threads, buttons, paper, inkstamps etc. or simply keeping every little last scrap of something 'to use later'. There is no question about whether it might be useful, you already know it will be, and can probably list several examples as to how! Whether you'll ever get round to doing any of them however is an entirely different matter indeed.

I decided ages ago that I wasn't going to buy any new fabric for as long as I could hold out. Re-purposing old clothes etc was fine, but having read a couple of articles about the environmental impact of new cotton I wasn't going to buy anything new when I had such a huge stash already in my cupboards. The theory was this would also help me reduce the size of my stash as I was determined to use what I had already in hand for projects as they came up, another aspect of my downsizing. This was going really well, and I made a plaited rag rug out of a big bag of old clothes for a Christmas present which cleared a considerable amount of space in my cupboard. But then someone saw what I'd made and said longingly how they'd always wanted a rug like that, and they had just the place for it, but they'd prefer different colours.... they'd get around to making one one day. Well when that person is a friend who has done so much for you it is hard to resist the idea of making them one for their birthday, but I don't wear the colours in question very often so don't have the right coloured old t-shirts etc, so a bundle was bought from the Salvation Army 50c box and the gap in my cupboard is full again! At least until I've finished the next rug anyway.

I recently completed my mission to get rid of the plastic in my sewing cupboard - well the boxes and bags the fabric was in anyway, I'm not planning to ditch my quilting ruler and such like in a hurry. The bonus of making fabric bags to hold the stash being I used up some of the aforementioned stash in the process and the bags fit in the cupboard better than boxes etc so I can fit more in. So the pile of material that had been in a bag in front of the cupboard now fit inside it, woo hoo! And that bag could now get repurposed to hold the overlocker which really needed something strong with handles, excellent. But that bag was also my work-in-progress bag, my collection of UnFinished Objects and Projects Half Done which then needed a new home.

One of the PHDs in question was the makings of a fabric basket with a hand pieced patchwork panel that I'd started on just over a year ago. I'd originally intended it to be part of a duvet cover, but then decided the colours didn't really work with what else I had in mind to use. So when various fabric baskets I'd made for presents over the last year or so had proved to be a success I decided I'd incorporate it into one for me. But finishing a project for me has kept falling down the 'to do' list in favour of assorted birthday, Christmas presents etc and had just sat there along with several other similar tasks. So with a new year, and on a mission to clear my backlog of UFOs I got on with it. After all I can't leave a pile of UFOs sitting loose in my room, I'm bound to lose something crucial if that situation lingers!

But you know how it is, good intentions and all that. Well I got sidetracked. But what I got sidetracked by were all the other UFOs and PHDs, who once they were out in the light of day got new life. So now I finally have that new duvet cover and pillowcase made with the other fabrics that the piecework panel didn't work with! A couple of things waiting to be mended have been, a few projects that had only got as far as being a pile of material and a pattern have been put away again until such time as they are actually needed, a pair of old silk trousers has been repurposed into a summer nightie, and a fabric 'bucket' has been finished and found a use for (the original intended recipient having long since got something different for their birthday!). And now I'm back to my task basket and it is almost completed, with only a couple of UFOs left on the pile to go in it when it is done.

So, my goal is to make those up too before starting anything new, and not to let the pile get so big again. It has been quite rewarding clearing the clutter. A different kind of clutter, but certainly a very visible sort given where the pile usually sits. It has been an insightful process too as I can see how my priorities have changed over the time the UFOs etc had built up, for example several of the projects I simply put away again (having not reached the stage of putting scissors to fabric) were clothes I was planning to make. I probably will make them still, but not until I need them! I've reduced my wardrobe volume considerably in the last 12 months, and I've yet to find myself stuck for something to wear. Others were for 'things' that I don't especially need, but I'd really liked when I'd seen the idea in a magazine or sew4home.com Perhaps they too will get made one day, but not until I have a need for them. It has been reassuring to find I was putting stuff away without feeling as though I was giving anything up or being sacrificial. It just didn't feel like it was important to make those things in the near future, and I probably got just as great a sense of satisfaction in clearing them away as I did from getting the stuff that had been started finished!

It all feels like another step towards proving to myself that Tiny House living is an achievable option. Although when it comes to laying out material to pin on patterns, or pinning the layers of a quilt together I'd still need a big floor space - another reason to live as part of a community with some large communal space!

making progress

A comment that I've seen made in numerous blog posts and video clips about living in a Tiny House is the need to be tidy. Now hopefully anyone reading this who has lived in the same home as me has not just spluttered their cuppa across their keyboard, or worse down their nose... as I'm not renown for having a tidy room. But I do usually have an organized one! I can normally tell you exactly which pile something is in, a skill I no doubt inherited from my mother. I like the idea of everything having a place to be put away in (I am also my father's daughter after all), and it works in the kitchen, I've just struggled to make it work in my bedroom/living space.

So having done a massive tidy-up before heading off to Summer Gathering so Megan could stay in my room whilst she was Grandma-sitting I was determined, as part of my working up (or should that be 'working down'?) to a Tiny House lifestyle, that I would endeavour to keep my room tidy upon my return.

Now this was going to be no small feat, it would mean putting everything away all the time, and not leaving it there until I have more energy to put it away properly, and not leaving it where I can see it so I remember to take it with me somewhere/finish it/find whatever else I need to complete the project etc. 

Leaving things so I remember to take them with me is usually a waste of effort anyway as I've been known to carefully step over/walk around whatever it was on the floor by the door on my way out only to realize half an hour later that I should've brought it with me, or more common these days come back to see it there and remember that was why I went out in the first place! So, after several months of having lapsed in the habit I've got back to writing things down that I need to do so that I don't need to have them under my nose all the time to remember (or not, as the case may be...).

I inadvertently discovered that my 'to do' piles all neatly lined up across my bedroom floor that I had seen as being organized (which they were...) had become my 'guilt piles' and them being the first thing I saw in the morning, and last thing before I went to sleep probably wasn't doing me any good. I'd got into the habit of leaving projects in progress where I could see them so that I didn't forget to go back to them, given how bad my fibro-brain can be these days it is all too easy to put something away and forget it even existed. But what was happening instead was that I'd keep procrastinating and getting more and more bogged down by the fact that it needed done and I hadn't done it yet. So, back to writing things down in my book... a habit I'd got out of precisely because the fact that some tasks had been written in there so long that it got depressing simply opening the book up to write in it, so I'd stopped. So I gave myself permission (*note to self write another blog post about 'permission' and Tracey's SG workshop!) to cross things off the list, not just when I'd done them, but when they'd started to become millstones round my neck. Usually these were self imposed tasks in the first place and the only person who it made any difference to was me, so why beat myself up about it??? Let it go for now. 

Needing the energy to do things has become less of an issue, well physically anyway. I've figured out that if I spell myself with regular periods of physical activity to break up the mental activity, especially screen work, then I get more done in a day. I aim for an hour on screen followed by an hour off. Which means all those little slightly annoying tasks of putting things away that require a bit more effort (like getting boxes down from the top of the wardrobe) suddenly come in handy as 'things to do' away from the screen - win win! So my room stays tidy/tidier and my head stays clearer, what's not to like?

I've been home almost a month now and so far so good, apparently it takes 21 days to ingrain a habit so I should be on to a winner. Let's see if I can keep it up for the rest of the year, if I can manage that then I'll consider another step towards Tiny House living to be achieved.

leftover from last year

I wrote this last year, but for some reason didn't quite get around to clicking on 'publish' before Christmas and heading off to Summer Gathering...

Well I'm getting there! I now have my much loved American cabinet and the blanket box out of storage and in my room, and my small bookcase full of children's paperbacks. However even with the best will in the world the larger bookcase and my chair will not fit and still leave me with enough room to actually get from the door to my bed, so they remain where they are... for now!

It was quite nostalgic going through the contents of the blanket box which had been filled to the brim with 'stuff'. Anything I couldn't remember either owning, or the origins of and had no immediate need for went in the 'get rid of' box. There were a couple of things that have long since been replaced and they too have been passed on. Having unpacked everything and sorted through it all I then began to repack the blanket box with the kitchen stuff I don't currently need, and then started filling up the remaining space with various odds and ends. But then I stopped and thought about it.If I'm trying to downsize to a Tiny House kind of quantity of belongings then I have to not only be able to fit it all in my bedroom, but if it can't be useful in this sized space then why keep it? There won't be room in a Tiny House for storing things for 'one day I might live somewhere bigger'! So the pictures in frames and stained glass came back out, and a couple of ornaments that have too much sentimental value to part with. And yes I found space for them, albeit with deciding to part with a few other things that had been previously taking up that space. A few things did go in the blanket box though earmarked for gifting on to particular individuals at some future point in time.

It feels very satisfying to have more of my belongings around me, rather than them scattered to the winds. There is a lot of history, my history and family history, represented by the things that have survived several decluttering culls. Everything has a story behind it, although there's one rather pristine looking paua pendant that I can't quite place, but I've hung it anyway on my 'mobile' of necklaces made from an embroidery hoop and a spare cord.

And you know what? I still have free cupboard space and my room doesn't feel overcrowded. Okay so the pile of Christmas presents and the pile of stuff gradually accumulating to pack to take to Summer Gathering does take away from the overall picture of an organized living space, but it is still very much livable in. It made me realize just how much I must have got rid of during this major declutter. Also it makes me realize that I might just be able to pull off this total downsizing thing after all! Which means one less hurdle in the way of doing so. An exciting, liberating, but also slightly scary thought.

Years ago the idea was mooted at a Young Friends camp for a bunch of our generation getting together at some indeterminate point in the future and forming an intentional community, a bit like the Quaker Settlement, but not at the Settlement. There were various reasons why a different set-up was felt to be preferable, and probably a totally incompatible combination of ideas as to what it could comprise of. But practicalities didn't matter as it was a 'one day in the future' idea rather than a 'lets do it now!' one. However almost 9 yrs down the track and several children later, the idea has resurfaced, suggestions as to a where have been made and there's even a possible site... and including Tiny Houses in the overall scheme of things has been suggested as one couple are in the process of building theirs! Well the timing isn't right for me if the current suggestion goes ahead, but it opens up another possible future option, whether they manage to set something up sooner or later. Again an exciting, but slightly scary thought. And then an email came through about a Quaker women's cooperative house possibility, again an immediate option that wouldn't work for me, but an new idea to mull over....

Thankfully I don't need to decide anything right now, but Leith's words in a conversation we had at the WGYF+10 event keep coming back to me; we were discussing employment rather than living circumstances at the time, but it is just as relevant. I was trying to explain my inability to articulate quite what it was I felt called to do in life, and she astutely asked 'is that because you don't know what you are called to do or because it doesn't exist yet?' Part of my Tiny House dream is to live as part of an intentional community, to have my own space, yet not be 'living alone'. I haven't explored yet whether that could be possible at the Settlement, but the fact that they are looking in to having Resident Friends has offered one possibility of a means of being there at a future date and seeing if it is the right place for me. After all I can't imagine me getting anything built in a hurry! I'm still not convinced about leaving the Far North though, but as each new option arises it helps me figure out what it is I am looking for, and where I'm being called to be. However I'm pretty certain that here is very much where I'm meant to be for now!

Books 2015

For several years now I've kept track of the books I've read through the year. The idea is to read at least 52 books in a year, cover a range of genres, continue to work my way through the BBC's 2003 100 Big Read list and try not to let re-reads dominate my reading. Audio books have again come into their own, not just when travelling, but also when doing handcrafts and when my eyes are too tired to read at night. I've picked up a few of the 100 Big Read books 2nd hand lately so I've got several already lined up for 2016, plus of course 13 more volumes of War & Peace!

The Very Best of Charles de Lint posed an ethical dilemma - someone posted a link to it on Facebook and I had a look expecting to be able to read a few pages at most which at least would give me an idea as to whether it was worth pursuing. Well it was, and it turned out that there were several of the short stories in full that you could access. However the entire book wasn't available unless you downloaded it, for free, which sounded like a good price. But the site was Amazon and I'd signed up to the Amazon-free Christmas pledge a few months earlier fully intending it to be a year round commitment and I didn't really want to break that, as even if I wasn't going to be giving them any money it would show my account to be active... so it remains unfinished! I'm not going to lose any sleep over it, whilst I enjoyed what I read I can live without the rest.

As part of my decluttering I had decided to pass along my Deltora Quest books once I'd completed the first series, and my Linda McNabb books on top of that. This cleared several inches of shelf space and they went to a good home. As I've now got about 3/4 of my books in my room now the temptation to re-read old favourites is growing, so all the more reason to keep track of what I read this year and not find myself falling down the rabbit hole of nostalgic comfort reads never to try anything new again....

* still reading
italics - re-read

January - March 2015
i. David Copperfield - Charles Dickens (started last year)
1. God Just Is... - Curt Gardener
2. An Unexpected Hero - L.P. Hansen
3. The Sleeper And The Spindle - Neil Gaiman
4. Dune - Frank Herbert (audio book)
5. The Seventh Son - Linda McNabb
6. Shadow Girl - Sally Nicholls
7. Mountains Of Fire - Linda McNabb
8. Song Of The Selkie - Cathy Dunsford
9. Rowan and the Zebak - Emily Rodda
10. War & Peace I - Leo Tolstoy (audio book)
11. * The Very Best Of Charles de Lint - Charles de Lint
12. A Wind In The Door - Madeleine L'Engle
13. A Swiftly Tilting Planet - Madeleine L'Engle
14. The Royal Ranger - John Flanagan
15. War & Peace II - Leo Tolstoy (audio book)
16. Dune Messiah - Frank Herbert

April - June 2015
17. Tanith - Sherryl Jordan 
18. Oor Wullie - DC Thompson
19. One Hundred Years Of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
20. First Test  (Protector of the Small 1) - Tamora Pierce
21. Page (Protector of the Small 2) - Tamora Pierce 
22. Squire  (Protector of the Small 3)  - Tamora Pierce
23. Lady Knight (Protector of the Small 4) - Tamora Pierce
24. Alanna: The First Adventure (Song of the Lioness 1) - Tamora Pierce


July - September 2015 
25. In the Hand of the Goddess (Song of the Lioness 2) - Tamora Pierce
26. The Woman Who Rides Like a Man (Song of the Lioness 3) - Tamora Pierce 
27. Lioness Rampant (Song of the Lioness 4) - Tamora Pierce 
28. Wild Magic (The Immortals 1) - Tamora Pierce
29. Wolf Magic (The Immortals 2) - Tamora Pierce
30. The Emperor Mage (The Immortals 3) - Tamora Pierce
31. Realms of the Gods (The Immortals 4) - Tamora Pierce
32. Trickster's Choice - Tamora Pierce
33. Trickster's Queen - Tamora Pierce
34. My Side of the Mountain - Jean Craighead George
35. The Usborne Fairy Tale Treasury (mostly read to Lucy)
36. The Forest of Silence (Deltora Quest 1) - Emily Rodda
37. The Lake of Tears (Deltora Quest 2) - Emily Rodda
38. City of the Rats (Deltora Quest 3) - Emily Rodda
39. The Shifting Sands (Deltora Quest 4) - Emily Rodda
40. Dread Mountain (Deltora Quest 5) - Emily Rodda
41. The Maze of the Beast (Deltora Quest 6) - Emily Rodda
42. The Valley of the Lost (Deltora Quest 7) - Emily Rodda
43. Return to Del (Deltora Quest 8) - Emily Rodda
44. A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving
45. Singing Home the Whale - Mandy Hager
46. Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks

October - December 2015
47. Scorpion Mountain (Brotherband 5) - John Flanagan
48. The Tournament of Gorlan (The Early Years) - John Flanagan
49. The Forest of Silence (Deltora Quest 1) - Emily Rodda (read to Seany)
50. The Name of the Wind (The Kingkiller Chronicle 1) - Patrick Rothfuss (audio book)
51. In Search of Simplicity - John P. Haines
52. The Wise Man's Fear (The Kingkiller Chronicle 2) - Patrick Rothfuss (audio book)
53. Spellsinger (Spellsinger 1) - Alan Dean Foster (audio book)
54. Hour of the Gate (Spellsinger 2) - Alan Dean Foster (audio book)
55. The Day of the Dissonance (Spellsinger 3) - Alan Dean Foster (audio book)
56. The Moment of the Magician (Spellsinger 4) - Alan Dean Foster (audio book)
57. The Paths of the Perambulator (Spellsinger 5) - Alan Dean Foster (audio book)
58. * The Time of the Transference (Spellsinger 6) - Alan Dean Foster (audio book)

preparation vs planning

Ooops, November seemed to get away on me. I've had this half written for a while though....

I have a reputation for being organized. I'm not entirely convinced that I deserve it (especially having missed out on blogging in November!), and many the occasion has been when I've felt well if I'm the organized one heaven help everyone else. However having known several people who really would fail to organize the proverbial piss-up in a brewery maybe it's all relative.

After 30 years or so of planning Quaker events, 5 years of juggling up to 4 part time jobs simultaneously (not to be recommended I hasten to add!) and finding myself in life situations both through work and my personal life where organizing others has been required, as well as organizing myself I suppose I do have a tendency to try to plan.

But slowly over the years and particularly in recent months I've been learning the difference between planning and preparation. You can't plan for every eventuality no matter how much time is spent on risk management strategies. Rules will get broken in ways you haven't thought of, the unpredictable will happen and there is no legislating for the quirks of human nature, nor mother nature come to that.

I was jokingly saying to someone a while ago how it's always good to have a 'plan b' up your sleeve, but the concept of 'plan b' does rather rely on there being a 'plan a' in the first place. Right now in life I have no 'plan a', and as Steve Hanson put it the only thing I have up my sleeve is my arm. I have hopes and dreams, and one or two 'well if nothing else turns up I can always do...' options, but there are too many variables beyond my control to make firm plans.

So instead of trying to plan I'm focusing on preparing instead. The downsizing/decluttering is a part of this, so is trying to maintain a certain level of voluntary work so I can keep a handle on just what my capacity is for paid work should something suitable and manageable come along, and being realistic about this. Whilst the theory of a regular extra couple of hours or so a day looks good on paper, the reality is flexi-time is still far more sensible. Some days my brain still decides that today is not a day for thinking, making decisions or even any sense of the world, and still I easily get overwhelmed. Thankfully the worst days come around far less often than they used to, but they crop up often enough for me to still have to factor them in to the equation. Those days however are great for getting simple tasks done at home that don't need much thinking about, and I now have a pile/list of them so I don't even have to try to remember what they!

Another side of the preparation is continuing my journey in extending my urban homesteading skills. Obviously these skills are useful right now, but being able to learn them when I have plenty time and have a well equipped home and garden at my disposal helps me figure out just what I would need in terms of time/energy and resources to carry on doing it in 'the future'. There are many more things that yes I could make my own of, but is it really what I want to spend my time and (limited) energy doing?

I'm being more proactive regarding my 'well if nothing else turns up...' options; doing a bit of research and sounding out some ideas, so when I finally do have to make a decision it can be a more informed one which hopefully will ease the pressure on making proper plans somewhat. I suppose it is like an extension of the Civil Defense Emergency kit, you never know exactly what might happen, but having some basics sorted out in advance means the essentials are hopefully covered in the short term.

Be prepared. All those years in Guides obviously taught be something useful after all!

past present

I've spent a lot of time over the last few weeks working on a photobook, not for me or a Summer Gathering one (although one of those is also in progress), but as a birthday present for one of my self-appointed nephews. I'm reasonably sure no-one who sees this post will see him before he gets it, or if they do I'm sure they can keep a secret!

For almost four years we both lived around here and I spent many a weekend plus time in the school holidays looking after him. Anyone who followed my photostream on Flickr will know I took a lot of photos of him, and the ones that got uploaded were often only a fraction of those taken. I'd hear 'Take another, and another, and one of this' as he'd pull a different pose, expression or jump yet again off whichever piece of playground equipment it was, aiming for that 'perfect' shot.

These days though he's very reluctant to be in front of the camera and I practically have to plead with him to get a more up to date photo, so I figured it was time to share a reminder of how it used to be! Well that and the fact that when I was visiting recently he very proudly showed me an album with old photos, school certificates, and postcards I'd sent to him over the years. I'd thought about making the book last year but wasn't really sure the time was right so left it, this year though I knew for sure he'd appreciate it.

It was lovely looking back at the photos as I pulled the book together, it was as much a document of my life then as his. Amongst the stuff I'd recently brought back from Pukepoto was a bundle of paintings and drawings he'd done when staying with us. Those have now been photographed and recycled, it was hard to let go of them even so. But I have a box that has been covered with his pictures that I keep my files in so I do still have some originals. I think putting the photobook together helped me let go of the pictures, realizing that it was the memory of him doing the painting and drawing with me that was far more important to me than what he actually produced.

I've also been sorting through a box of cassette tapes, and I managed to halve my collection - again! It's a decade now since I had anything to play them on so it really was getting ridiculous to keep them all. I wrote a list of a pile of albums that I had that had been copied by various people that I had yet to get on cd or electronically and parted with those, and for mix tapes I'd put together either from my own or various past flatmates/boyfriend's music collections I went through and wrote a list of the tracks I now don't have, and parted with those tapes too. Mix tapes made for me by others survived to live another day, along with some recordings of friends' bands and a few originals that I still can't bring myself to part with even if I do have the cd/iTunes version now! Then to make up for what felt like a ruthless cull I splurged on iTunes and bought some of the most nostalgic 'missing' tracks, and fished out the insert cards that had friends' handwriting on and kept those too. After all, it has reached the point now where it is the memory of the people associated with it that is far more important than the physical means to listen to the music. And a few pieces of card take up way less room than a pile of C90s!

So two very different eras of my life, one recorded in photographs, the other in music (I've photos of that era too, but they are a task for another time), both now reduced to a more compact mostly digital archive. Another step towards a smaller scale of living without sacrificing the important things, the memories of people who have shaped my life; our love, laughter, tears and hugs.There's a quote from Maya Angelou: I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel, this is very true and is probably the most important thing to remember about someone, but it is nice to have some physical reminders of the times you have shared all the same.

migrating

Another trip to Pukepoto and another bootful of stuff has been relocated to my current abode. This time I collected one of the small bookcases and contents, and the assortment of boxes and bundles stashed in the bottom of my old wardrobe. The bookcase is now at the EcoCentre full of pre-loved books for sale, including a shelf's worth of those that had been living on it for the last few years! The remaining books have been squeezed on to the bookshelves in my room, their precariously balanced state in some cases being a good incentive to crack on with the process of replacing my photograph albums with much slimmer photobooks. Hopefully the next trip will collect my American cabinet and blanket box, but that requires the right combination of people, trailer, fine weather and time coinciding. But hey, it's taken 4.5yrs so far, what's a few more weeks?!

The feeling of satisfaction I'm getting from this process of downsizing and amalgamation is reassuring me that I'm on the right track. A few weeks ago I was overcome with a feeling of helplessness in the face of the refugee crisis and the intransigence of our politicians who just don't seem to get the idea of helping others simply because they are human too and in need. Sure, clearing out some drawers and figuring out a pile more stuff to re-home won't make any difference to those being washed up on the shores of Greece and Italy, but it gave me something to do that felt constructive, that was part of changing my own lifestyle. The motto 'live simply so others can simply live' kept going round in my head, although the only direct link between my clutter clearing and improving the lives of others I could come up with was the result of me donating stuff to the Salvation Army.

Working through all my possessions has been a very physical reminder of the fact that I am a migrant. I shifted myself, my life and my stuff from one side of the world to the opposite. I chose to do this. I have paid more than I want to contemplate to the Departments of Immigration, and Internal Affairs over the last 10yrs in order that I might remain in my new home country, but it was all above board, by the book, official. I have the stamps in my passports and pieces of paper to prove I can be here. As I now have the letter saying my citizenship application has been accepted and am now awaiting a date for the ceremony, I'll soon be entitled to have a Kiwi passport in addition to my British one.

How different is my situation to those of the dispossessed, displaced refugees and asylum seekers who are desperately trying to get into Europe, and into Lebanon, away from the horrors of war and destruction. And yet the mainstream media has been using the same word, migrant, to describe them as is befitting to describe me. How can anyone think that our situations are even remotely the same? It angers me to see their true plight being sanitized into language that can be used to manipulate people into thinking there is an element of choice in what these people have done, and even worse implying that many are doing it to 'take advantage' of the destination countries and scrounge their benefits. I've been on the dole in the UK before now, and believe you me it certainly isn't worth risking life and limb crossing the Mediterranean in an overcrowded boat, then walking hundreds of miles, crawling through razor wire fences, or getting shut in a Chunnel bound lorry where you may suffocate, or hanging on to the top of a train for.

I've not seen much news over the last couple of weeks whilst I was away, so have relied on snatches of info picked up online, and now I'm back I find that, as it was before I left, the bulk of our news is about the Rugby World Cup. I am grateful to have such a great bunch of friends around the world who have kept heart-wrenching stories like this circulating around social media, reminding us of the far bigger issues out there. References to this poem by Warsan Shire popped up in my feed again, and again, and again.

I truly hope enough Help is Coming....

WGYF+10: nostalgia, reflection, and looking forward

I'm not sure quite why it has taken several weeks to finish this post, probably because the right words kept eluding me, but having to get something written down for Thomas helped give shape the bits I'd been struggling to encapsulate. Anyway, 'tis good enough, and it will have to do...

WGYF 2005 participants plus children

It is 10 years now since the World Gathering of Young Friends 2005, was held in Lancaster, UK. Thomas pitched the idea of a reunion event that would also be part of the preparation for those going to the FWCC Plenary in Peru in January 2016, and he made it happen. It wasn't until I got there that I really appreciated how nice it was to just turn up as a participant at a WGYF event! Something I hadn't had to organize or feel any responsibility for, that was a real gift for which I am incredibly grateful.

Accompanied by the next generation we had a very literal reminder of what 'fruit had been born' in the intervening years. Sharing the less obvious fruit that had grown out of WGYF was a really special experience. We drifted between a worship sharing mode and discussion as felt moved and there was a real depth to the time spent recalling what stood out for us most about WGYF itself, the Triennial here in 2004 that led up to it for four of us, and the subsequent impact on the following decade.

We had Ben, Lucas and Saskia join us as they are all hopefully heading to Peru in January, along with Charlotte and Thomas, so the ease with which we dropped into that deep sharing cannot fully be pinned on the collective shared WGYF experience. But the fact that we had so much shared spiritual experience between us I am sure helped us slip into the space so easily and comfortably. I found myself holding back a couple of times from saying something as I 'knew' that a someone was about to speak and I knew my contribution could, and should, wait until after it.

There are some groups where I am hesitant to engage with fully at a deep level as I feel vulnerable, and unclear as to whether that is the right space or time for certain sharings. The old 'not wanting to sound silly' anxiety is a long standing acquaintance of mine. Yet in this space there were no such worries, no holding back. Even in an over dinner conversation that included visiting local Friends I was able to better articulate something I've been grappling with in recent years than ever before. The sense of everyone really wanting to make this work, that had flowed through WGYF itself, carried on and really enabled us to all be fully present, no mean achievement with young children around!

I've been trying to distill from that weekend some coherent thoughts to pass on to Thomas who offered to write up a collective piece on the event for our national Friends Newsletter. What was it about the WGYF experience that I carry with me today in my life and into my future? Two things that really stand out for me are the Meeting for Worship to discern the theme for WGYF, and the strong sense of calling to do the administrator job. Both of which happened the year before the event itself.

The Meeting for Worship was at the FWCC Triennial in Auckland January 2004. It remains the most amazing worship I have ever been part of, and at over two hours is most definitely the longest unprogrammed Quaker worship I've been part of. Yet somehow the time flew by, it gave us some insight into the early days of Quakerism and the lengthy Meetings for Worship that seemed to to be fairly common at the time, with or without a lengthy sermon from George Fox and others. There was a palpable sense of the spirit moving in that Meeting, and yet when we looked back at it the four of us there at the weekend who had been part of it had very different, but equally high impact memories of it. In some ways that Meeting has overshadowed every Meeting for Worship I've been part of since, as none have had quite the same feel. Although there have been a few that have come close.

In a similar way the incredible sense that the administrator job had my name on it has made other leadings feel more vague and shaped by my will as much as any leading of the spirit. I'm not saying that sense of calling hasn't been there, as it has. But nothing quite like that almighty kick up the backside that sent me hurtling into a whirlwind of 18mths living, breathing, and often dreaming, WGYF around the clock. Part of me yearns for that overpowering sense of purpose, yet at the same time the mere thought of of it is exhausting! It was achievable for a shortish set period of time, but as a way of life??? Can that same drive to do whatever be compatible with ordinary life, one that has time and space for other things and people, and can it be done without being detrimental to my health?

The event itself in all honesty is a bit of a blur. In the flurry of WGYF related posts on Facebook as the 10 year anniversary came around Betsy shared a photo (amongst many others) of me sitting at a computer in the corner of the administration team's office with my back to the rest of the room engrossed in whatever it was that needed doing. I have some very vivid memories of sitting in that chair, including receiving Loida's email about getting the delayed Friends from Bolivia and Peru to WGYF 'Miracles we can do, the impossible takes a little longer'. That line summed up a lot of the achievements in making the event happen. Still I find out new things that took place somewhere along the line to make WGYF happen that I had no idea about, and I was the one supposedly in the thick of it with a finger in every pie! It really does feel like a miracle that it happened at all.

I keep coming back to something Leith said at the weekend, and has written about for our Friends Newsletter that she has shared with us, about the importance of the stories that were shared, of the inspirational people that were there, the many and varied ways in which Friends put their faith into action in their lives. There were many there passionately pursuing their causes in life who stood out like beacons, successors of the Valiant Sixty perhaps? But there were also those whose light wasn't as blinding who still inspired a reassessment and taking stock of how our faith integrated into our daily lives. It isn't given to all of us to be 'speaking truth to power' at QUNO, FCNL or QCEA etc, or being International Observers in Palestine with CPT or EAPPI, or being out there in the thick of aid and development work with AFSC, QPSW, Peace Corps or many other agencies. To me those are the dauntingly scary tasks that I'm very grateful others feel called to do and it never failed to amaze me to hear the stories of those, often a decade or more younger than me, going out into the field or working in the political arena. These were Young Friends, between the ages of 18-35 remember, which is why it sticks in my craw somewhat when I hear older Friends lamenting the lack of younger Friends 'getting involved'. If only those Friends could hear some of the stories we did.

Equally powerful were the stories of those working within their own communities to bring people together, share resources and learning, resolve conflicts and create a better environment for all. These stories were often the ones that had the most power in that you'd more often come away thinking 'I could do that too...', which then begs the question 'so why don't you?'

It wasn't just the activists working for change that inspired me from within the WGYF community, but the depth of soul searching, prayer and seeking clearness that often accompanied or prompted it. As administrator I was privileged to get to read all the application forms that came in and get an advanced insight into those about to be gathered, and I was rather relieved when reading them I hadn't had to fill one in! I could much better articulate my readiness to perform the practical tasks of enabling such an event happen than I could find the spiritual language to express what I could give or hope to get from participating from the event at a deeper level. By the end of it all though, through a process that at times felt like total immersion surrounded by those to whom such words came more easily, I had started to find my own voice, and better articulate my experience of the movement of the spirit without feeling awkward or silly.

I met many people through WGYF who I continue to admire greatly to this day. I get a a little glow of reflected glory every time I see a WGYF name pop up on the international Quaker grapevine - whether they are working for their YM, running seminars, taking up Quaker posts in educational establishments or the kind of organisations I mentioned earlier. The mission statement spoke of creating the next generation of Quaker leaders, words I wasn't fully comfortable with when I first heard them as the concept of 'leadership' is often linked with a hierarchy we generally don't have. But I will say this, there are an awful lot of 'weighty Friends' around the world who went to WGYF 2005, which I think means we can claim that that mission was certainly accomplished! To take all the credit for it would be ridiculous, but as Jonathan put it, WGYF reinforced a trajectory he was already on. I know that for some people WGYF sent them hurtling off in a new direction, for others more the quiet reassurance that they were on the right track.

For me, it felt like a stepping stone in a journey of having faith that the universe will show me the way; the next step being to get to Aotearoa NZ and be Resident Friend in Wellington, the one after that to undertaking my ECE training, but the last few years I've had a feeling of being stuck midstream. Not without things to do mind, and maybe I've needed this time to take stock and sort a few things out in life.

But where is that journey taking me now? I think the simple living and plain dress discussions that I ended up in at WGYF have definitely shaped the downsizing I'm currently in the midst of. It isn't so much the 'live simply so others can simply live' ideology, worthy as that is, that drives this but an increasing awareness of my footprint on this planet and my attempt to reduce that. Being able to live less encumbered massively increases ones ability to go where the spirit blows you too. Some of the threads of conversations had and stories heard feel like they are starting to come together and form a new pattern, and I'm pretty sure that conversations from this weekend that have built on those from the last ten years will in time be seen to be milestones on that journey.

Whatever happens, I am really grateful to have been blessed with such amazing fellow travellers on this WGYF journey. I cannot imagine my life without them, even when most are only a Facebook post in my day. Seeing the energy that buzzed round in Kenya 2012 when the WGYF 1985ers got together for a photo op, as well as us 2005ers, just reinforced for me how lasting that connection is, irrespective of how well or often you've kept in touch over the intervening years. We were a great people to be gathered and we are still seeing what Love can do in our lives, and long may that continue.

WGYF+10 particpants

making it so every day is like Sunday

No not silent and grey, although that would be appropriate enough I suppose for a Quaker, especially one with a collection of Morrissey albums! It would also match todays weather, but that's by the by.

Recently a friend was visiting and as is fairly common here she took her shoes off when she came in, and she was apologizing for the holes in her sock. Trying to reassure her that it really didn't matter I came out with an old family quip about her wearing her Sunday socks. I got a completely blank look. 'Your holy ones!' I added. More blank looks. Never mind, I assured her, a family joke, it obviously doesn't travel well!

It dawned on me later that she was of the generation where your Sunday clothes were your best ones, plus English had not been her parents' or her late husband's first language, so puns and plays on English words simply had not been a part of her everyday life in the way they have been in mine.

'Sunday best' or 'keeping it for best' was the theme of a series of adverts on tv a few months back, I think they were for Twinings Tea. They were making the point that it is silly to keep things in a cupboard for best, go ahead and wear/use/drink them and get enjoyment out of them. It's a mantra that I'd gradually been coming round to myself as I decluttered my life, or more specifically my wardrobe. After all there aren't that many 'Sunday best' occasions in my life as generally Quakers don't dress up to go to church, the idea is that all days are equal and sacred. This meant we looked like a right bunch of scruffs in Edinburgh turning up in our everyday clothes next door to the well scrubbed and polished 'Wee Frees' in all their finery!

I had a pair of smart boots that I used to keep 'for best' but my orthotic insoles didn't fit in them so I was wearing them less and less. Fortunately they fit a friend of mine perfectly who was looking for boots and she now wears them for work. When I replaced those boots last year with a pair that I could wear my insoles with I decided that whilst yes, they are expensive boots and smarter than my usual footwear choices I wasn't going to let them gather dust in the bottom of the wardrobe waiting for some special occasion to arise like the old ones. Also I'd noticed my walking shoes/trainers that had been my winter shoes for the last couple of years or so weren't quite as comfortable any more, and replacing them as well just wasn't within my budget, so my smart new boots became my winter shoes. Two winters later they are still looking smart and as they fit my orthotics I haven't worn down the heels at a ridiculous angle either! I'd been careful to buy some that could be re-heeled when necessary so I should get a few more years out of them yet. Well worth the investment in a decent pair, especially as I've still managed to postpone replacing my trainers!

When paring down the contents of my wardrobe I also made a decision to 'reclassify' a knitted top that I'd bought with birthday money from a fantastic boutique shop on the Royal Mile in Edinburgh many years ago. There aren't many advantages to an early January birthday in the UK, but the sales are one of the few! I have two items from there, both much loved but rarely worn. One I had worn regularly in Scotland, but the other was definitely kept 'for best'. The regularly worn one is a bit too thick usually for a Far North winter, but the other is fine, I just needed to get my head around wearing it as an everyday item. I still hesitate a little when getting it out, but I've worn it quite a bit this winter and I've got to enjoy the lovely softness of the merino/cashmere mix and appreciate its warm red colour properly rather than just when looking in my wardrobe for something more ordinary to wear instead! There are a couple of other tops that I love but had thought of as 'too smart' for everyday use, but they too have been integrated into use as I told myself that if they didn't get worn they'd have to go and I wasn't quite prepared to part with them yet! After all it isn't like my days are spent in the sandpit or getting clarted in glue, paint and various child produced bodily fluids any more.

When I first started clutter clearing about 15yrs or so ago (yeah yeah, you can't do it all in one go okay!) the William Morris quote  Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful struck a chord with me. However I have struggled with the concept of whittling down the 'useful' pile as I inherited a hefty streak of my father's 'it might come in useful one day, and when it does I'll have it' attitude. Unfortunately I didn't quite get the required bit to go with it that means that when that day comes around I'll know exactly where it is... so whilst yes technically it might well be useful one day, it doesn't figure that it will get used. And you know what? If you have less stuff it is much quicker to look in all the places it isn't before you find the one where it is! Beautiful on the other hand has generally been a bit easier. One clutter clearing book asked 'does it make your heart sing, or sink, when you come across it?' The idea being ditch the 'sink' stuff. And I'd got quite good at that bit. But what I hadn't got so good at was making the most of the stuff that makes my heart sing. A lot of it is still tucked away, in boxes, in cupboards etc.

I've kept telling myself over the years that I haven't had enough room to have x,y,z out and in use. If I had more space, or a whole flat to fill again then sure I'd use it. But if I'm thinking of continuing to live out of a small space then something needs to change. I need to wear those 'best clothes' more often if I'm to justify them having wardrobe room, I need to find a way to make a whole pile of stuff more useful in my life as life is now, not as it was a decade or more ago. And if it isn't currently useful then maybe it is time to let it go so it can be useful somewhere else. When the time comes that I do need a whatever again then I can take pleasure in choosing something both beautiful and useful that meets my new set of circumstances. Meanwhile I have a lovely cut crystal glass tumbler by my bed for when I take my tablets every night, not quite the expected nightcap it was intended for but it is getting used far more often this way.

I'm itching to get my hands on the last box (my blanket box) of stuff in storage and find out what else is in there that I could be using and appreciating now rather than 'saving for later'. Another way of looking at this whole thing is as a former colleague of mine said, 'I always burn those fancy candles and use the fancy soaps you get given, otherwise they just gather dust, and I hate dusting!' Indeed. Get the pleasure out of things now, don't make them a chore to deal with later.

Plastic Free July 2015 +1

Okay, so it is September already... but as with last year I decided to keep two months worth of non-recyclable plastic so that there wasn't any temptation to put off finishing/opening a new packet until next week when the challenge was up etc.

Here is the sum total of July & August 2014...  and here is July & August 2015....

If anything there is more this year rather than less which is rather frustrating given that I feel as though this is something I have taken on fairly seriously over the last year and have been working towards a not so much plastic-free life as a much less plastic dependent one. However, there are many things in this year's pile that are the result of my downsizing; like a pile of Ara Reo dvds that weren't that great when I was studying it and I'm certainly not going to inflict them on anyone else, also the negative sleeves and slide box. There are the things from last month like my hairbrush etc that were the tail end of the replacement process and the things I just didn't even think about last year, like the clear plastic negative pockets on certain photograph print packets, and the clear plastic bit on the opening of a tissue box.

Actually I'm quite annoyed about the tissue box - I'd gone well over a year without buying any tissues at all as handkerchiefs had been sufficient now I wasn't getting endless snottery colds from the children at kindergarten. But then in the last week of me saving my plastic I caught the worst cold I've had in years and a whole box of tissues got used up in a matter of days (and I'm halfway through the next one!). Bah humbug. That also accounts for a sudden increase in the number of tablet strips which had been well down on last year.

But over all I'm hopeful that this time next year the pile will be smaller, or at least will be made up of mostly 'historical' stuff being cleared out rather than newly bought. In fact to make myself feel better about it all here is the stuff sorted into new stuff from July & August, and old stuff that got emptied/used up/chucked out. But whilst it might soothe my ego a bit, it doesn't take away from the fact that it is all still ending up in landfill, whether that is now rather than 15yrs ago or in two months time is neither here nor there (although I suppose literally it does change which side of the world the landfill is in some cases! Aroha mai, Aotearoa...)

What else to focus on reducing/eliminating next over the coming year though? That in many ways is the hardest challenge as I've changed all the easy things already! I'm sure I'll continue to get plenty of inspiration though via the Plastic Free July community and their Facebook page. It is good to be challenged as generally I've had a fairly easy run when it comes to keeping my carbon footprint lower than average. When you start it off as a life long vegetarian who doesn't drive/run a car and thus who uses a lot of public transport, lives in shared housing, likes to grow veggies, is used to frugal living and has been recycling for decades etc you get something of a head start over most folk! I don't feel like I've had to make many difficult changes at all. All those years of hearing 'Turn the lights off if you aren't using them. It's like Piccadilly Circus around here!' as a child/teenager obviously had some long term impact, if not quite the immediate one that was desired at the time!

compromise and consultation

It is very satisfying seeing the pile of empty packets piling up as the negatives get sorted and filed. Well mostly. I'm beginning to wish I hadn't decided to keep August's non-recyclable plastic waste as well though! There is a sizeable bundle of those pocketed sheets negatives sometimes came back from the developers in. Part of me breathes a sigh of relief when I come across one of those as there is far less chance that the contents will have somehow got mixed up with a different film, but once the negs have been transferred to a filing page it is with something of a harrumph that the same frustration saving item is consigned to the box of plastic.

There is also a broken slides box in that collection now too, and I'm very aware that the pages I'm transferring things into have yet more plastic as part of them. But what are the alternatives? At least digital photography means the amount of plastic being used in this way has been drastically reduced, but I'm sure there are other environmental impacts just as great, they are just less in our faces. This article about the need for legislation to reduce the amount of plastic was both reassuring (I'm not the only one struggling with plastic!) and saddening. I hate that I'm adding to the landfill by clearing out, but again it is that clash of priorities - having less stuff vs the problems of throwing stuff away!

I'd called in at the local photography shop to ask if she could check with their suppliers if they still stocked such things as new pages or folders for them to go in. She rang back to say the bloke had laughed and said they'd gone out with the Dark Ages and the best thing to do was scan the negatives and put them on cds/usb sticks - a service they offered. That's all very well I pointed out, but I still have to organize them first to decide what is worth saving in that manner! Also how long will cds and usb sticks work for? Having just found a stack of 3" disks I'm realizing that whilst I have an external disk drive (somewhere...) I don't know that I have any programmes that would be able to open any of the files any more! Technologically obsolete already. At least negatives can still be turned into prints.

I've got one more pack of filing pages via TradeMe and found a supply in the UK so there is hope of eventually completing the mission. Simply transferring the negs into pages is one thing, filing them in a sensible order however is a whole different ball game! It has been great though as putting out requests for help on Facebook to identify at least what year things were held in has resulted in some collective reminiscing and conversation that probably otherwise wouldn't have happened. I'm still somewhat taken aback by the disagreement over which decade something was in though rather than which of two years in the early '90s, that I really didn't expect. And I thought I was the one having memory problems!

I dare say I'll need to pick a few more brains over the coming months as I sort out the rest. I'm just hoping that the various Pardshaw events have other things on the films as trying to decide which event of those was which is pretty tricky as you can't even always tell if it was Easter or Pre-Christmas from the number of layers we're wearing! Plus certain jumpers are almost as ubiquitous as Ken's Summer Gathering one, albeit usually more tasteful and timeless... The fact that digital photographs are automatically dated is something I'm appreciating more and more as I work through these, although the chances of me having done the equivalent of writing the names on the back of photos are even slimmer.

looking forward, looking back

A week tomorrow I set off towards a WGYF+10 reunion in the Kahuterawa Valley near Palmerston North. The event was originally planned for June, but due to clashing diary dates it got rescheduled for August which proved to be a Good Thing as the original date saw much of that region under floodwater, the silt from which is causing major problems and it will take years for the Whanganui & Manawatu River regions to fully recover. The new date also happens to be bang on the actual anniversary of the event which was 16-24th August 2005!

I've got a box of things that I've been putting together ready to take with me - various photos, cards and reports, plus a pile of FWCC stuff as the reunion is also partially preparation for those heading to Peru in January. I've also got a bundle of things I'm gifting on as part of my decluttering/downsizing, plus a patchwork quilt to deliver.

There have been a number of elements surrounding this event that have held a certain symmetry with those of 10yrs ago. The new dates mean Fran can no longer be with us for the reunion as she's relocated back to the UK (for now!) and as she said, the whole WGYF planning and happening was whilst she was transitioning between the UK and Aotearoa in the opposite direction. Charlotte, Jonathan and Thomas had all been at the 2004 FWCC Triennial with me in Auckland, and Charlotte and Thomas will now be heading for Peru. And once again I'm in major clear-out mode, although this time with no intention of moving anywhere in a hurry, let alone emigrate! I'm sure as the weekend progresses next week we'll find more such connections.

Today's major mission was sorting through a pile of paperwork and filing. Originally I just started to look for something (which I've yet to find!) but the task took on a life of it's own. It was rather therapeutic to consign a huge amount of paper to the recycling, fire and printer pile. That which ended up on the fire was a collection of UK official paperwork that had long since passed it's 7 year 'keep until' date. Another step of my transition from one side of the world to the other. So after investing in a new concertina file I have now managed to reduce the amount of space such paperwork takes up quite considerably.

Towards the end of the pile of paperwork I was working through I found a piece I'd written, possibly for our GM or MM newsletter, but I can't remember writing it let alone why! It had been written at some point during my time as the WGYF administrator, so it felt timely to rediscover it. So I can recycle the paper version I'll type it up as a post (Tomorrow? Too near bedtime to start that now!). It was good to get a reminder of that part of my spiritual journey as it is all too easy to remember the practical challenges of making such an event happen, whereas which parts of my spiritual life link to that event rather than anything in the subsequent decade I find a little harder to untangle now. Maybe I should re-read the first few months of this blog to remind myself of the impact, although I suspect more posts will be about the practicalities of emigrating!

Another reminder of what feels like a past life was a page I'd written up for a 'getting to know you' session at Summer Gathering - what isn't obvious is whether that's NYFSG (these days Summer Shindig) or Summer Gathering here as 'SG' could mean either! Reading through the games and ideas there are things I'd totally forgotten about - I haven't played 'Radio Cars' in years! Thankfully the notes are detailed enough to remind me how to play them all too, much better than a list I came across in one other clearout some years back that was just several columns of game names but with no explanations. Having said I'll help organize JYF Camp next year it is good resource to find - now to find somewhere to keep it where I'll be able to locate it again in time... such facilitation and planning is an area in life I feel decidedly rusty in. Yet a decade ago Ruth, Susie and I planned an entire Link Group w/e in 20 minutes! I found the cd I'd done for them for the Friday night epilogue a few days ago, I'm planning to recycle that one at Summer Gathering here after Christmas! I hadn't got to that Glasgow w/e due to WGYF commitments, so it feels right to be planning to reuse it in this time of remembering a decade ago.

Given the general inter-connectedness of all things Quaker, I suppose it is unsurprising to be coming across so many links, both tangible and otherwise, between life now and ten years ago. I think of the people who were such an enormous part of my life back then, and where they are now. Mary (from Australia) is even back in Edinburgh for the Festival! Bar some long standing couples, none of us are living in each others inboxes and daily lives in quite the same way as we were in the run up to WGYF. Many of those people I haven't seen since, which feels way too long. But an email I got this morning from Katy (who I've known since my early days as a YF in the UK, but who also lives here) summed up what I know to be true of those connections too: Whenever I catch up with you, and other friends, like this, I ask myself why it doesn't happen more often! But perhaps it doesn't really need to: we pick up from where we left off, however long the gap. 

The same is also true for those I'll see next weekend, and whether it is less than 8 weeks or over 8 years (the two extremes!) since I last saw them, I know I can look forward to a weekend of deep sharing, love, laughter and f/Friendship that I'll treasure and carry with me for years more to come.