immigrant, emigrant

Last year my Mum got her DNA test results, or more accurately her brother's in order to get both male and female lines. It turns out that my Granny's side of things is far from dominated by the Yorkshire heritage she proudly lay claim to, but instead is a mere 9% English and the largest component 28% Yemeni. Probably just as well she's long gone, I don't think she'd be very impressed with that result!

I realized when discussing this with a fellow genealogist recently that I knew next to nothing about Yemen other than it currently being in a civil war mess. How on earth could we have ended up with such a large percentage of that bloodline? Were there British connections with the area? Well a quick look at Wikipedia the other day highlighted a gaping hole in my historical knowledge and I discovered yet another example of British colonialism in the Aden Protectorate. Well I guess it was appropriate enough reading for Waitangi Day.

I didn't get that far though as it was time to head down the road to see Phyllis and I've still yet to get back to reading more, but I mean to. I'm really intrigued as to which branch(es?) of the family connect to there. How did they end up in Britain? It could be through the East India (shipping) Company base in Aden, but given the rather turbulent history of the region it's not impossible they were refugees, a sobering thought given the current state of the world, and the USA restrictions on refugees from Yemen. There but for the grace of god....

We already knew we had a family history of emigration from the UK out around the world, not to mention extensive migration around the British Isles, but now we have a new chapter of immigration to explore. Given our apparent lack of ability to stay in the same place for more than a couple of generations I wouldn't be at all surprised to find nomadic roots near the surface on all arms of the family tree, not just Granny W's!

getting radical

When I was discussing Plastic Free July with a f/Friend who was also doing the challenge this year she said how when she couldn't avoid non-recyclable plastic for some reason she was aiming to write to the company in question and ask them to do something about it.

It says a lot about who we both are as a person that her first reaction was to engage in direct dialogue and try to bring about change, where as I've been boycotting Nestlé for over 30 years and have never told them, and they probably didn't notice any resulting dip in sales either. However I have told a lot of other people about what I'm doing over the years, and I know some others have followed suit as a result. I also hadn't contacted any companies about their plastic use until recently.

Inspired (and a little shamed) by Jane's example I contacted a toilet paper company who used to sell their products wrapped in paper, but now use plastic. Their response by email was they had to stop using paper for hygiene reasons (?????) but the weblink they gave instead makes more sense. However although compostable it is still plastic and perpetuates the need for oil extraction. I was well impressed with Sally's solution to avoiding plastic wrapped loo roll by using a box of tissues, presumably one without the annoying plastic film insert where you pull the tissues out from, when doing a sponsored month without plastic in aid of Ocean Cleanup with her friend Sarah.

Having got that emailed response made me feel a bit braver, and I've just posted back to the University of Auckland the plastic wrapper from around their alumni magazine with a request to go on their email circulation list instead, and a suggestion that they come up with an alternative wrapper, especially as the insert with the magazine was imploring us to change the world for all our futures! They were after scholarship funding rather than suggestions that they divest from fossil fuels and avoid plastic, but never mind! I don't expect a reply however.

Working my way through the Radical Spirituality course has made me think about the whole simple living and the 'Wear it as long as thou canst' advice and whether I'd got again to the point where I needed to have a rethink about challenging myself to go a step further in this direction. As my income has increased a little over the last year I've been able to buy more bulk bin items at the healthfood shop rather than wholesalers which has meant being able to use my cloth bags rather than bring home yet more large snaplock bags, but as with boycotting Nestlé it probably doesn't change much (if anything) in the greater scheme of things unless I speak up more about what I'm doing and why.

Anyway, I recently got an email from a researcher at Massey University who I've met a couple of times before (a former research assistant of hers is a f/Friend of mine - you've got to love the small world of Quakerdom!), and Corrina is wanting to do some more interviews up here about the way people live out their environmental awareness and I'm on her list! Having seen the sheet of questions she'll be asking it feels a bit daunting, but I've got until early January to have my head around my answers, so you may find a few blog posts popping up along the way as I get to grips with them...

connections

Ages ago I signed myself up to do the Future Learn online course 'Radical Spirituality: the early history of the Quakers' which Ben Pink Dandelion is leading in conjunction with Lancaster Uni & Woodbrooke. It starts on 3rd Oct, so there's still time to sign up, and it's free!

It is an opportunity to explore the early days of Quakerism and the happenings of 1652. But I think what excites me more is the opportunity to be part of an international study group that includes Friends I've known from all the MMs I've been part of in my life and from many events I've been at around the world. There are also a lot of interested others who aren't Quakers (yet?) who have signed up from an interest in history, the area, or religion, and a large number of genealogists who have found Quaker ancestors in their family tree and want to know more.

As you can choose to 'follow' others on the course has they chip in (or not) to the online discussions you can create something akin to your own study group. Sadly I live too far away from the Friends at Mt Eden meeting who are planning to meet up kanoi ki te kanoi (face to face) to work through it, but as it is an online course that shouldn't matter.

I was fortunate to learn a lot of the history around 1652 on the Quaker Youth Pilgrimage in 1987. Thirty two of us from the USA and Europe spent four weeks together and our first week week was based in Yealand Conyers in the heart of  the '1652 Country'. We were privileged then to meet Elfrida Vipont Foulds, and Duncan and Katharine Woods, although it was some years before it really sunk in how much of a privilege that had been. But being able to tell numerous small children decades later that I'd once met the lady who wrote 'The Elephant and the Bad Baby' wasn't quite how I ever envisioned that event being most often recalled! Her storytelling about George Fox was as compelling as the elephant going rumpeta rumpeta rumpeta down the road and the bad baby never once saying please, has been for generations. Ben PD has a lot to live up to! Luckily for him, and why I signed up in the first place, my memory of the facts is now a little hazy, and I also really enjoy his style of presenting/writing. So I'm really looking forward to this new international 'pilgrimage' with f/Friends old and new.

I'll be down in Wellington catching up with f/Friends and whānau when the course starts, so it'll take me a few days to catch up when I get home. But being kanoi ki te kanoi with one lot of Friends is a pretty good reason for not being virtually present with another. No matter how good virtual connections may be they cannot fully replicate the experience of being and sharing together.

same journey, many paths

Many have returned home from Yearly Meeting enthused and invigorated by the move to spend the coming months focusing on Spiritual Nurture and Outreach. We have much to offer that is different from other churches. Rather than having a set creed we see ourselves as on a journey, seeking as did those early Friends, a spiritual path, together. But that doesn't mean it is the same path for all—often it feels more like a scribble than a linear progression. With the nurturing fellowship of other Friends to hold us in the Light as we worship together we find our way forward.

‘Our social testimonies’ was a common response when Friends were asked what is it they want people to associate with the word Quaker. One of those testimonies is sustainability. As with our faith, our journeys vary considerably, we have no creed here either.

That we need to act is not in doubt, and we need to act to the best of our abilities, in whatever form that may take. For some that may be avoiding non-recyclable plastics or air travel, only buying secondhand clothes or locally sourced food.

There is no one size fits all answer, what is important is that we are on the journey, supporting each other and celebrating our progress as we work together towards a common goal.

In this time of spiritual nurture, I hope we can remember the words of Isaac Penington: “Our life is love, and peace, and tenderness; and bearing one with another, and forgiving one another, and not laying accusations one against another; but praying one for another, and helping one another up with a tender hand.”

Editorial for Aotearoa New Zealand Friends Newsletter, Sept 2016

I normally have to have my arm twisted rather hard to write the editorial for the Newsletter, but this time I volunteered. I was getting rather fed up of the tone of various articles we'd received over the last year or so that were busy telling Friends what they 'ought' to be doing to tackle climate change. Maybe it is because of the work I'd been doing getting unrealistic/irrational 'oughts' out of my own life that it hit a nerve so strongly, but also if there's one thing that has been guaranteed to put my back up for decades it is being told how I 'should' live my life.

I obviously wasn't alone in feeling somewhat put out either, and to me there's something very wrong when Friends feel vilified for not buying in to someone else's pet 'cure' when it is glaringly obvious that there isn't a magical panacea that will solve all the problems and each of the solutions creates or exacerbates other issues which may in some cases prove to be more problematic down the line.

If we required all our members (and presumably attenders too) to adhere to every one of the 'solutions' put forward we might as well give up now on restructuring our Yearly Meeting as there'll be no-one left. Not even the most ardent campaigners, as none of them can incorporate all of the lifestyle 'requirements' being pedaled, well not and continue to live comfortable lives connected to the rest of the outside world and I've yet to see any evidence of anyone giving that up to such an extent. 

I'm pretty sure we don't want to revert to the days when Friends got disowned for breaking certain expectations, and we'd be hard pushed to find anyone with enough moral high ground to stand on to enforce such if we did. There are enough things in the world aimed at guilt tripping us into striving for unachievable, and often undesirable 'ideals', most of which are fairly superficial in the greater scheme of things. Dealing with climate change is a much bigger issue than fashion, body shape, the latest game craze etc, so don't put people off engaging with doing what they can by setting it out in the same way as a list of things the cool kids are doing and if you don't you are substandard, lacking, or unworthy... 

Surely it would be better to foster a supportive environment where folk feel encouraged to question, query and explore the issues and possible solutions together. We can share stories of our successes, and failures, in a way that inspires others to follow and try to reduce their own environmental impact, rather than leave them feeling inadequate and chastised. Make it manageable, like the 'Less Stuff' Facebook group I'm in that encourages people to tackle the clutter in their lives 5 things, and/or 5 minutes at a time. Lisa has a great website with all the prompts and worksheets on, but it is being part of a sharing virtual community that is willing to be vulnerable and share our 'before' photos as well as our 'after' ones, and acknowledge to ourselves and remind each other that we each have different factors limiting our capacities to be 'perfect' (whatever that might be!) that keeps many of us chipping away at the task. As someone said recently it's nice to have the warmth and support of the group when no-one around them would appreciate their efforts!

In the Quaker Lecture at Yearly Meeting this year Marion Hobbs spoke of wanting to start a blog for sharing the successful peacebuilding stories as so often what we hear about are the conflicts rather than the solutions. We need that encouragement that things are possible to keep going, we need to feel it is achievable, it is within our grasp and capacity to create change. We can all keep chipping away at things in our own lives even if we can't all stop international conflicts, but we need to feel empowered to do what we can, not criticized for the things we aren't doing. 

So please do continue to share your ideas, your challenges, your journeys, I've learned so much from reading many a blog post and journal article. But please remember to be mindful that the journeys of others may take a different route, and that is okay. I'm sure several of those whose articles have caused hurt would be mortified to know that was the case, and I'm certainly not accusing them of doing it deliberately. Meanwhile I'll keep trying to cut back on the plastic in my life and try not to feel uncomfortably guilty when I get on a plane from Auckland to Wellington to save myself 11hrs of road travel on top of around 8hrs I'll have already done to get to the airport.

exploring possibilities

When we were planning the programme for the Junior Young Friends Camp we found ourselves inundated with offers from Friends to lead sessions to the extent that we found ourselves turning down and restricting offers. That was certainly one of the plus points of planning a camp to overlap with Yearly Meeting, there were so many Friends on hand who wouldn't usually all be in the same locale. But we also had lots of interest and support from Friends on Waiheke Island where we were to spend the first 5 days and as it turns out we could probably have filled our programme with them alone, which is encouraging for future years planning!

At our Monthly Meeting Residential Gathering at the end of April I got a very enthusiastic invitation from Ian for the JYFs to visit the Eco Village on Waiheke where he lived and get a guided tour. Well I wasn't sure what the JYFs (aged 13-16) would think of the idea but I was certainly interested! And thankfully the rest of the planning team figured it was worth going too.

I must admit I was a little apprehensive as to how it would go. I hoped Ian's passion would be contagious and that the JYFs would at least humour someone old enough to be their granddad and wouldn't find it boooooooooring.... They were pretty quiet when those showing their homes and explaining how they were built etc asked them questions, so it was hard to know how much they were engaging with what they were seeing. But then around a corner they spotted the house built into the hillside, 'a hobbit house'! It was like opening the flood gates; they were a babbling brook of ideas and dreams cascading in all directions. By the time we got back to Friends House they had planned 'Quobbiton' where they'd all live together in a variety of earth houses all off grid, using electric vehicles, and bringing up their children in a rural idyll; which whilst owing a lot to Awaawaroa Village in design and setting would definitely have a decent internet connection and be within mobile phone signal! And I have to say I'm with them on that caveat. Also my personal vision of such a community would have it a lot closer to public transport, shops and services.

I was impressed, once again, with what is possible with earth houses. The possibilities for individual design and artistry combined with ages old techniques which have withstood the tests of time really appeals. There's a very homely feel to the spaces they enclose that must speak to some ancestral memory. I was horrified to learn though of the new building code restrictions which mean if building large enough to need planning permission you can no longer re-use old joinery such as window casements. Given the vast amount of such building material available for re-use in this country from Christchurch it seems a criminal waste of resources. But with a land built house of 10 square meters or less (ie not needing planning permission) the loo has to be in a separate building or accessed from outside if attached, and I have to say as a regular nocturnal visitor to the facilities that severely limits their appeal for me, but I guess I could get used to a night-time commode.

A question I would've loved to have asked but didn't being mindful of the fact that we were there for the JYFs benefit rather than the adults, was how did those living in that remote valley with a very labour intensive lifestyle plan to manage if life found them without the physical ability to cope with what was needful to keep everything running effectively let alone efficiently. As someone with varying health and ability to manage our 1/4 acre section I have found out more than once that weeds are no respecter of energy limitations, and cooking your food from scratch is all very well when fit and healthy, but it is quite another matter when you're only up to foraging for instant sustenance rather than starting from raw ingredients. They said themselves it isn't a lifestyle that often appeals to young adults, so can they find enough folk whose situation is perhaps like mine (minus their own chronic health issues!) who can be the live-in help? I'm figuring most conventional home helps would baulk at getting to some of the locations (even now travel time is paid) let alone dealing with composting toilets in outbuildings and working within the ecological footprint of their clients in a manner that sustains the buildings rather than destroys their wonderful finishes.

Maybe in another twenty years there'll be an accessible corner or Quobbiton where I can park up my tiny house; be surrounded by young families, with an earth-built community space where we can all get together. I'd get to allo(grand)parent the children and there'd be folk there to chop wood for me and help with the heavier gardening tasks. Sounds pretty good I reckon. Now if we can just find that miraculous middle-of-nowhere-yet-close-to-town site we'll be sweet...

reconnected

After nine weeks we've finally got the phone and internet reconnected at the EcoCentre. It got disconnected in error by some other teleco inputting some code telling ours they were taking over the account when they weren't. It has been something of a nightmare to get sorted  - thankfully not by me after my experiences of having to do the same at home when it happened to us last year. Luckily ours got reconnected the same day; having an emergency call alarm running via the phone no doubt bumping us up the priority list.

Anyway the upshot of being offline at the EcoCentre has meant I've been doing all the emails for the EcoCentre and Kaitaia TimeBank plus maintaining both Facebook pages from home instead of during my hours at the EcoCentre, so my blog has been somewhat neglected of late. There's only so much time I can spend at a computer in one day and not get a stonking headache, even with my new progressive/varifocal glasses.

Putting in the extra hours has pushed me over my energy limits somewhat, especially as the weeks have included two weekends away from home doing Quaker things: our MM residential gathering in Kerikeri, and a weekend in Auckland attending a seminar on Eldership as well as taking part in various 3rd Sunday activities. It was well worth going to both though, as much to connect with people in 'real life' rather than via skype (my usual mode of attending MM) and other online means (how our Outreach Committee functions). However my 'fibro brain' has meant my forgettery has been working overtime and no matter how many reminders I've left myself in various places I've managed to miss the Online Meeting for Worship at Woodbrooke for the last few weeks (It's at 9.30am Weds and 1pm Fridays UK time - I try to get to the Weds one, the other being at midnight for us!). However I now have google calendar set up with a pop-up reminder ten minutes before it starts so at least if I'm on the computer already I've a hope of catching it from now on! Another way to connect with people, albeit remotely via the internet.

I'm looking forward to life resuming some sense of 'normality' again, and being able to feel like I'm keeping up with the world. I might even get past the end of January with the uploading of my photos on to Flickr before the end of this month, I've finished getting Summer Gathering on there and have almost got to the final leg of the journey home!

Now, I'd best go and have lunch before my afternoon shift at the EcoCentre starts, I'm quite looking forward to being able to get all those bits of paperwork that I need to print off for our annual accounts. Never thought I'd ever hear myself say that, it's amazing what a lack of connectivity can do to change ones perspective on life!

How do I show up to serve?

Between my work at the EcoCentre and being on our MM Outreach Committee (Quakers) I've been rapidly coming to the conclusion in recent weeks that I need to do some serious upskilling in the field of online content and management. The idea of signing up for a year long course through the polytechnic felt more than a little bit daunting given I am still getting to grips with having upped my regular 'work' hours, paid and voluntary, so I decided to try some webinars as I really needed some input now rather than in a year or twos time when my health might be more conducive to study.

One was run by Tech Soup, a Kiwi organization that supports charities with technical services etc and was about website content - I had a meeting when it was broadcast so I've now got the recording and need to make time to go through it. The other was by Jill Winger, whose e-newsletter, blog and Facebook page The Prairie Homestead has become regular reading for me in recent years. She's been the inspiration for many of my ventures into Urban Homesteading even though she's rural based rather than urban. There's nothing like thinking that if a city girl gone bush can do it, so can I! Over the years she's become a professional blogger, as well as a homesteader, so she's now sharing her experience with other bloggers.

I'm not expecting to ever turn this blog into anything much more than it's current ramble through life, it's purpose has been primarily as a window into my life for whānau and f/Friends who are spread around the world; if others come across it and enjoy it then great, welcome on board, please excuse the mess.... But I've seen blogging be used as a great outreach tool, and I can see the potential for a blog being part of the revamped EcoCentre site when that happens (later this year funding applications willing...). And if the EcoCentre blog/website can help bring in some funds as well then that would be brilliant. So what had originally started off as idle curiosity some time back when Jill asked in one of her e-mailings if anyone would be interested in a webinar on blogging, suddenly became highly relevant and I was glad I'd put my hand up.

What really struck me in her webinar today were some of the questions she put out there as needing to be addressed when planning a blog:

Who am I?
Why do I want to blog?
What do I have to offer?
How do I show up to serve?
What is my message?
Who am I going to help?

As I hurriedly scrawled those down on the back of an envelope I thought they were pretty good life questions in general, let alone for blogging, even as a career! The last few years of my life have been a bit vague in those areas as I've transitioned from being an Early Childhood teacher, to someone who can barely stay awake all day, to someone doing a bit of this a bit of that and wondering where it is all heading... they would've been useful questions to have on hand sooner to help me focus on what I wanted to be doing.

As it happens things have been starting to crystallize and I'm quite happy with the way things are heading. I've had time to 'practice' being in the EcoCentre slowly picking up more and more of the admin and finance tasks. I've been quite clear about saying 'no' to tasks I haven't felt ready for, and those around me have known me when both well (relatively speaking!) and really sick, so if we ever do get the funding to pay me for the work I'm doing I know there won't be any unrealistic expectations and I'll have a supportive environment to work in (and even a warm one too this winter if we get resource consent for the woodstove!). Alongside that I'm enjoying the work putting together the Yearly Meeting documents (and yes it is much easier this year having done it before), and there might be other work of a similar ilk I can help the YM Clerk with.

Being realistic even if I had managed to get my head around those questions a year or so ago it would probably have been frustrating more than anything else as I wasn't up to doing much about it. So I guess as per usual the universe is unfolding as it should.

I hope as the years roll by I'll always be able to 'step out and take my dreams seriously' as Jill said, rather than listen to all the people who say take the safe conventional route. She's right in that the biggest hurdle is getting past the fear you'll fall on your face and they'll all say 'I told you so', but better to fall on your face having given it your best shot than never having tried. As I reminded a friend on Facebook recently who was being self-depreciating about her slow jog compared to other's rather more athletic approach to triathlon training, she's lapping everyone still sitting on the couch. She may come in last (but probably won't), but the most important thing is she's stepped up to the challenge. Especially as she wasn't a runner, cyclist nor swimmer before signing up!

I keep coming back to the question Jill threw in to the mix 'How do I show up to serve?' and a diagram the same triathlon heading friend shared on Facebook:



I'm not quite sure where I'd put myself on this diagram right now, but I'm aiming for the middle. Both how to get there and 'how do I show up' is one step at a time...

WGYF+10: nostalgia, reflection, and looking forward

I'm not sure quite why it has taken several weeks to finish this post, probably because the right words kept eluding me, but having to get something written down for Thomas helped give shape the bits I'd been struggling to encapsulate. Anyway, 'tis good enough, and it will have to do...

WGYF 2005 participants plus children

It is 10 years now since the World Gathering of Young Friends 2005, was held in Lancaster, UK. Thomas pitched the idea of a reunion event that would also be part of the preparation for those going to the FWCC Plenary in Peru in January 2016, and he made it happen. It wasn't until I got there that I really appreciated how nice it was to just turn up as a participant at a WGYF event! Something I hadn't had to organize or feel any responsibility for, that was a real gift for which I am incredibly grateful.

Accompanied by the next generation we had a very literal reminder of what 'fruit had been born' in the intervening years. Sharing the less obvious fruit that had grown out of WGYF was a really special experience. We drifted between a worship sharing mode and discussion as felt moved and there was a real depth to the time spent recalling what stood out for us most about WGYF itself, the Triennial here in 2004 that led up to it for four of us, and the subsequent impact on the following decade.

We had Ben, Lucas and Saskia join us as they are all hopefully heading to Peru in January, along with Charlotte and Thomas, so the ease with which we dropped into that deep sharing cannot fully be pinned on the collective shared WGYF experience. But the fact that we had so much shared spiritual experience between us I am sure helped us slip into the space so easily and comfortably. I found myself holding back a couple of times from saying something as I 'knew' that a someone was about to speak and I knew my contribution could, and should, wait until after it.

There are some groups where I am hesitant to engage with fully at a deep level as I feel vulnerable, and unclear as to whether that is the right space or time for certain sharings. The old 'not wanting to sound silly' anxiety is a long standing acquaintance of mine. Yet in this space there were no such worries, no holding back. Even in an over dinner conversation that included visiting local Friends I was able to better articulate something I've been grappling with in recent years than ever before. The sense of everyone really wanting to make this work, that had flowed through WGYF itself, carried on and really enabled us to all be fully present, no mean achievement with young children around!

I've been trying to distill from that weekend some coherent thoughts to pass on to Thomas who offered to write up a collective piece on the event for our national Friends Newsletter. What was it about the WGYF experience that I carry with me today in my life and into my future? Two things that really stand out for me are the Meeting for Worship to discern the theme for WGYF, and the strong sense of calling to do the administrator job. Both of which happened the year before the event itself.

The Meeting for Worship was at the FWCC Triennial in Auckland January 2004. It remains the most amazing worship I have ever been part of, and at over two hours is most definitely the longest unprogrammed Quaker worship I've been part of. Yet somehow the time flew by, it gave us some insight into the early days of Quakerism and the lengthy Meetings for Worship that seemed to to be fairly common at the time, with or without a lengthy sermon from George Fox and others. There was a palpable sense of the spirit moving in that Meeting, and yet when we looked back at it the four of us there at the weekend who had been part of it had very different, but equally high impact memories of it. In some ways that Meeting has overshadowed every Meeting for Worship I've been part of since, as none have had quite the same feel. Although there have been a few that have come close.

In a similar way the incredible sense that the administrator job had my name on it has made other leadings feel more vague and shaped by my will as much as any leading of the spirit. I'm not saying that sense of calling hasn't been there, as it has. But nothing quite like that almighty kick up the backside that sent me hurtling into a whirlwind of 18mths living, breathing, and often dreaming, WGYF around the clock. Part of me yearns for that overpowering sense of purpose, yet at the same time the mere thought of of it is exhausting! It was achievable for a shortish set period of time, but as a way of life??? Can that same drive to do whatever be compatible with ordinary life, one that has time and space for other things and people, and can it be done without being detrimental to my health?

The event itself in all honesty is a bit of a blur. In the flurry of WGYF related posts on Facebook as the 10 year anniversary came around Betsy shared a photo (amongst many others) of me sitting at a computer in the corner of the administration team's office with my back to the rest of the room engrossed in whatever it was that needed doing. I have some very vivid memories of sitting in that chair, including receiving Loida's email about getting the delayed Friends from Bolivia and Peru to WGYF 'Miracles we can do, the impossible takes a little longer'. That line summed up a lot of the achievements in making the event happen. Still I find out new things that took place somewhere along the line to make WGYF happen that I had no idea about, and I was the one supposedly in the thick of it with a finger in every pie! It really does feel like a miracle that it happened at all.

I keep coming back to something Leith said at the weekend, and has written about for our Friends Newsletter that she has shared with us, about the importance of the stories that were shared, of the inspirational people that were there, the many and varied ways in which Friends put their faith into action in their lives. There were many there passionately pursuing their causes in life who stood out like beacons, successors of the Valiant Sixty perhaps? But there were also those whose light wasn't as blinding who still inspired a reassessment and taking stock of how our faith integrated into our daily lives. It isn't given to all of us to be 'speaking truth to power' at QUNO, FCNL or QCEA etc, or being International Observers in Palestine with CPT or EAPPI, or being out there in the thick of aid and development work with AFSC, QPSW, Peace Corps or many other agencies. To me those are the dauntingly scary tasks that I'm very grateful others feel called to do and it never failed to amaze me to hear the stories of those, often a decade or more younger than me, going out into the field or working in the political arena. These were Young Friends, between the ages of 18-35 remember, which is why it sticks in my craw somewhat when I hear older Friends lamenting the lack of younger Friends 'getting involved'. If only those Friends could hear some of the stories we did.

Equally powerful were the stories of those working within their own communities to bring people together, share resources and learning, resolve conflicts and create a better environment for all. These stories were often the ones that had the most power in that you'd more often come away thinking 'I could do that too...', which then begs the question 'so why don't you?'

It wasn't just the activists working for change that inspired me from within the WGYF community, but the depth of soul searching, prayer and seeking clearness that often accompanied or prompted it. As administrator I was privileged to get to read all the application forms that came in and get an advanced insight into those about to be gathered, and I was rather relieved when reading them I hadn't had to fill one in! I could much better articulate my readiness to perform the practical tasks of enabling such an event happen than I could find the spiritual language to express what I could give or hope to get from participating from the event at a deeper level. By the end of it all though, through a process that at times felt like total immersion surrounded by those to whom such words came more easily, I had started to find my own voice, and better articulate my experience of the movement of the spirit without feeling awkward or silly.

I met many people through WGYF who I continue to admire greatly to this day. I get a a little glow of reflected glory every time I see a WGYF name pop up on the international Quaker grapevine - whether they are working for their YM, running seminars, taking up Quaker posts in educational establishments or the kind of organisations I mentioned earlier. The mission statement spoke of creating the next generation of Quaker leaders, words I wasn't fully comfortable with when I first heard them as the concept of 'leadership' is often linked with a hierarchy we generally don't have. But I will say this, there are an awful lot of 'weighty Friends' around the world who went to WGYF 2005, which I think means we can claim that that mission was certainly accomplished! To take all the credit for it would be ridiculous, but as Jonathan put it, WGYF reinforced a trajectory he was already on. I know that for some people WGYF sent them hurtling off in a new direction, for others more the quiet reassurance that they were on the right track.

For me, it felt like a stepping stone in a journey of having faith that the universe will show me the way; the next step being to get to Aotearoa NZ and be Resident Friend in Wellington, the one after that to undertaking my ECE training, but the last few years I've had a feeling of being stuck midstream. Not without things to do mind, and maybe I've needed this time to take stock and sort a few things out in life.

But where is that journey taking me now? I think the simple living and plain dress discussions that I ended up in at WGYF have definitely shaped the downsizing I'm currently in the midst of. It isn't so much the 'live simply so others can simply live' ideology, worthy as that is, that drives this but an increasing awareness of my footprint on this planet and my attempt to reduce that. Being able to live less encumbered massively increases ones ability to go where the spirit blows you too. Some of the threads of conversations had and stories heard feel like they are starting to come together and form a new pattern, and I'm pretty sure that conversations from this weekend that have built on those from the last ten years will in time be seen to be milestones on that journey.

Whatever happens, I am really grateful to have been blessed with such amazing fellow travellers on this WGYF journey. I cannot imagine my life without them, even when most are only a Facebook post in my day. Seeing the energy that buzzed round in Kenya 2012 when the WGYF 1985ers got together for a photo op, as well as us 2005ers, just reinforced for me how lasting that connection is, irrespective of how well or often you've kept in touch over the intervening years. We were a great people to be gathered and we are still seeing what Love can do in our lives, and long may that continue.

WGYF+10 particpants

Plastic Free July 2015 +1

Okay, so it is September already... but as with last year I decided to keep two months worth of non-recyclable plastic so that there wasn't any temptation to put off finishing/opening a new packet until next week when the challenge was up etc.

Here is the sum total of July & August 2014...  and here is July & August 2015....

If anything there is more this year rather than less which is rather frustrating given that I feel as though this is something I have taken on fairly seriously over the last year and have been working towards a not so much plastic-free life as a much less plastic dependent one. However, there are many things in this year's pile that are the result of my downsizing; like a pile of Ara Reo dvds that weren't that great when I was studying it and I'm certainly not going to inflict them on anyone else, also the negative sleeves and slide box. There are the things from last month like my hairbrush etc that were the tail end of the replacement process and the things I just didn't even think about last year, like the clear plastic negative pockets on certain photograph print packets, and the clear plastic bit on the opening of a tissue box.

Actually I'm quite annoyed about the tissue box - I'd gone well over a year without buying any tissues at all as handkerchiefs had been sufficient now I wasn't getting endless snottery colds from the children at kindergarten. But then in the last week of me saving my plastic I caught the worst cold I've had in years and a whole box of tissues got used up in a matter of days (and I'm halfway through the next one!). Bah humbug. That also accounts for a sudden increase in the number of tablet strips which had been well down on last year.

But over all I'm hopeful that this time next year the pile will be smaller, or at least will be made up of mostly 'historical' stuff being cleared out rather than newly bought. In fact to make myself feel better about it all here is the stuff sorted into new stuff from July & August, and old stuff that got emptied/used up/chucked out. But whilst it might soothe my ego a bit, it doesn't take away from the fact that it is all still ending up in landfill, whether that is now rather than 15yrs ago or in two months time is neither here nor there (although I suppose literally it does change which side of the world the landfill is in some cases! Aroha mai, Aotearoa...)

What else to focus on reducing/eliminating next over the coming year though? That in many ways is the hardest challenge as I've changed all the easy things already! I'm sure I'll continue to get plenty of inspiration though via the Plastic Free July community and their Facebook page. It is good to be challenged as generally I've had a fairly easy run when it comes to keeping my carbon footprint lower than average. When you start it off as a life long vegetarian who doesn't drive/run a car and thus who uses a lot of public transport, lives in shared housing, likes to grow veggies, is used to frugal living and has been recycling for decades etc you get something of a head start over most folk! I don't feel like I've had to make many difficult changes at all. All those years of hearing 'Turn the lights off if you aren't using them. It's like Piccadilly Circus around here!' as a child/teenager obviously had some long term impact, if not quite the immediate one that was desired at the time!

looking forward, looking back

A week tomorrow I set off towards a WGYF+10 reunion in the Kahuterawa Valley near Palmerston North. The event was originally planned for June, but due to clashing diary dates it got rescheduled for August which proved to be a Good Thing as the original date saw much of that region under floodwater, the silt from which is causing major problems and it will take years for the Whanganui & Manawatu River regions to fully recover. The new date also happens to be bang on the actual anniversary of the event which was 16-24th August 2005!

I've got a box of things that I've been putting together ready to take with me - various photos, cards and reports, plus a pile of FWCC stuff as the reunion is also partially preparation for those heading to Peru in January. I've also got a bundle of things I'm gifting on as part of my decluttering/downsizing, plus a patchwork quilt to deliver.

There have been a number of elements surrounding this event that have held a certain symmetry with those of 10yrs ago. The new dates mean Fran can no longer be with us for the reunion as she's relocated back to the UK (for now!) and as she said, the whole WGYF planning and happening was whilst she was transitioning between the UK and Aotearoa in the opposite direction. Charlotte, Jonathan and Thomas had all been at the 2004 FWCC Triennial with me in Auckland, and Charlotte and Thomas will now be heading for Peru. And once again I'm in major clear-out mode, although this time with no intention of moving anywhere in a hurry, let alone emigrate! I'm sure as the weekend progresses next week we'll find more such connections.

Today's major mission was sorting through a pile of paperwork and filing. Originally I just started to look for something (which I've yet to find!) but the task took on a life of it's own. It was rather therapeutic to consign a huge amount of paper to the recycling, fire and printer pile. That which ended up on the fire was a collection of UK official paperwork that had long since passed it's 7 year 'keep until' date. Another step of my transition from one side of the world to the other. So after investing in a new concertina file I have now managed to reduce the amount of space such paperwork takes up quite considerably.

Towards the end of the pile of paperwork I was working through I found a piece I'd written, possibly for our GM or MM newsletter, but I can't remember writing it let alone why! It had been written at some point during my time as the WGYF administrator, so it felt timely to rediscover it. So I can recycle the paper version I'll type it up as a post (Tomorrow? Too near bedtime to start that now!). It was good to get a reminder of that part of my spiritual journey as it is all too easy to remember the practical challenges of making such an event happen, whereas which parts of my spiritual life link to that event rather than anything in the subsequent decade I find a little harder to untangle now. Maybe I should re-read the first few months of this blog to remind myself of the impact, although I suspect more posts will be about the practicalities of emigrating!

Another reminder of what feels like a past life was a page I'd written up for a 'getting to know you' session at Summer Gathering - what isn't obvious is whether that's NYFSG (these days Summer Shindig) or Summer Gathering here as 'SG' could mean either! Reading through the games and ideas there are things I'd totally forgotten about - I haven't played 'Radio Cars' in years! Thankfully the notes are detailed enough to remind me how to play them all too, much better than a list I came across in one other clearout some years back that was just several columns of game names but with no explanations. Having said I'll help organize JYF Camp next year it is good resource to find - now to find somewhere to keep it where I'll be able to locate it again in time... such facilitation and planning is an area in life I feel decidedly rusty in. Yet a decade ago Ruth, Susie and I planned an entire Link Group w/e in 20 minutes! I found the cd I'd done for them for the Friday night epilogue a few days ago, I'm planning to recycle that one at Summer Gathering here after Christmas! I hadn't got to that Glasgow w/e due to WGYF commitments, so it feels right to be planning to reuse it in this time of remembering a decade ago.

Given the general inter-connectedness of all things Quaker, I suppose it is unsurprising to be coming across so many links, both tangible and otherwise, between life now and ten years ago. I think of the people who were such an enormous part of my life back then, and where they are now. Mary (from Australia) is even back in Edinburgh for the Festival! Bar some long standing couples, none of us are living in each others inboxes and daily lives in quite the same way as we were in the run up to WGYF. Many of those people I haven't seen since, which feels way too long. But an email I got this morning from Katy (who I've known since my early days as a YF in the UK, but who also lives here) summed up what I know to be true of those connections too: Whenever I catch up with you, and other friends, like this, I ask myself why it doesn't happen more often! But perhaps it doesn't really need to: we pick up from where we left off, however long the gap. 

The same is also true for those I'll see next weekend, and whether it is less than 8 weeks or over 8 years (the two extremes!) since I last saw them, I know I can look forward to a weekend of deep sharing, love, laughter and f/Friendship that I'll treasure and carry with me for years more to come.

the post-gathering blues

I read this post by Robin recently and wished I'd had something like this 30yrs ago to explain why, if my weekend had been so wonderful, was I now in tears. Why, over the following few years, I'd come home from various events completely exhausted, emotionally and physically wrung out, completely unable to articulate why and desperate for the next gathering to come round. Why I couldn't find it in me to be pleased to be back home.

As the years have passed I've learned that those early experiences of Quaker gatherings were far from unique and whilst no there never will be quite the same combination of people together again, the same intensity, the same depth and the same connections can be found time after time after time. Some of the older and more seasoned participants were sharing wry smiles with each other at the outpourings of emotion at the end of the World Gathering of Young Friends 2005 as we all went our separate ways around the globe. Even then email and text meant keeping in touch with those far afield was an absolute doddle compared to the days when snail mail and expensive toll calls was all we had. And now with Facebook, Twitter etc it is even easier.

But no matter how much easier it to keep in touch with those you've shared the journey with (literally and metaphorically) the bit that doesn't seem to change is that time of 're-entry to reality', adjusting back to the everyday stuff that fills up the days between gatherings. Many a conversation has been had as to which is 'reality', that which we were usually in the process of leaving behind at the time on the long journey home, or that which we were heading to? Being part of a household with others going to the same things helps that transition, if nothing else they are as knackered as you are and they at least get the in jokes. But even if the home environment is full of fellow weary travellers, the outside world isn't. So you find yourself having to get used to not being able to just drop into deep and meaningful conversation with the person next to you even if you've never met them before; remembering that actually if you want to eat tonight you'd better think about cooking rather than just stand in a queue and be given a plateful; adjusting your conversation back into normal everyday language rather than a plethora of acronyms and 'Quaker speak' (jargon?); and not expecting everyone in sight to be wearing a name badge.

On the plus side there is your own bed, no (or a much shorter) queue for the loo and shower, and literally all the comforts of home. You know you should be glad to be home, to those who you've missed and have missed you, and most of you is, especially the sleep deprived and possibly also jet-lagged part of you. But no matter how many gatherings you go to there is always that window of readjustment from one set of routines to another, and no longer having the day's carefully timetabled programme on a piece of paper in your bag or pocket to refer to when in doubt as to what comes next. There are very few who readjust back without some size of a dose of the post-gathering blues. There are many different coping mechanisms, generally mine is to retreat from the world and try to process what I've just experienced within my head rather than by talking about it. I never seem to be able to find the words to explain why it was so *wonderful, deep, moving, exciting, energising, heartbreaking, etc etc etc (*delete as appropriate), which I acknowledge isn't easy on those who didn't go who are trying to get an idea of what I experienced.

Depending on the theme or purpose of the event 'real life' can seem incredibly trivial when you get back to it. It can be hard not to get judgmental about those who are getting wound up about the latest tv reality show when you've been hearing first hand experiences of genocide and incredible stories of survival and forgiveness. It can also be hard (especially when still a teenager/young adult), to convey how humbling and inspiring it is to meet such people, or those working in reconciliation work closer to home; or standing up for their beliefs to the point of being imprisoned for it; to meet people who appear on the news reels; to learn from some incredibly talented and wise folk and so on without it sounding like those who lead more everyday normal lives 'back home' are an inferior breed that you suppose you'll just have to put up with until your next exciting adventure... Sure you could go home and complain about the snorers in your dorm, the food, the weather, the uncomfortable and/or squeaky chairs/beds/floor, that your flight/train/bus was delayed, and there are those who do just that, and you get the impression that the thing biggest importance of the last few days was not having the right breakfast cereal and they'd had a thoroughly miserable time. The latter of which occasionally is true but generally such reports are simply another coping mechanism. It's far easier to complain about cultural differences and expectations than it is to describe a deep spiritual experience or feeling of inadequacy for the task you are feeling called to take on, and it is often much easier for the listener to understand.

It's reassuring in many ways to read posts like Robin's, someone who goes to such events for work as well as leisure, it is a reminder that such feelings are normal. I'd like to think that after 30yrs of gatherings I've got better at getting home afterwards, but I know it is something I still need to make more effort with and at least have a few coherent sentences on hand to describe my time away other than 'Yeah it was good. I'm off to get some sleep...'

making an impact

I was at the Quaker Yearly Meeting a couple of weeks ago during which we approved a Peace Statement to co-incide with the World War I commemorations that reiterated some of the wording from 1987 Peace Statement.

Much to my delight Peace Movement Aotearoa, who Friends are closely involved with, created a Facebook friendly version of it which is already being shared internationally amongst Friends. This is the sort of thing we should really be doing for ourselves and I'm hoping that as Friends here see for themselves how effective this can be we'll be able to get more of it happening.

Whilst at Yearly Meeting some of us who are involved with Outreach met over a meal to share ideas, and improving our web presence was definitely seen as a priority. In one of the sessions the question of how to get and keep younger people involved with Quakers was raised and again it came down to 'outreach, outreach and outreach'. It is good to see that one of the ideas shared at YM, the Wellington Young Friends' Meeting for Pizza funded initially by elders and overseers, has already been picked up by Mt Eden overseers in Auckland. Anything with food is usually a good draw card for YFs, especially free food! And something like a pizza evening is the sort of thing that is easy to bring an interested friend along to who wants to know more about Quakers but isn't quite sure about Meeting on a Sunday morning yet for whatever reason.

I'm heartened by the way the shift in attitude towards outreach and spending money that got going at last years YM has continued to move in a less conservative direction. I know Quaker process is a slow beast and turning the tide of opinion is an exercise in patience, but it really does feel like we are starting to get somewhere. Someone said in a Facebook discussion today about Nominations (primarily in Britain) "I think that by and large we try and run our meetings and our organisation the way we always have. The world has changed and we haven't." Much the same could be said about things here, but I do think that that is starting to be recognised as the problem it is, and maybe, just maybe, things are starting to move in the right direction...

coming ready or not....

Well I've sent off my registration for Yearly Meeting in May, and booked all my travel. All I have to do now is make sure I'm well enough to make going worthwhile. At least I've now got a date for my initial specialist appointment and not only does it not clash, I can see the visiting gynaecologist here rather than travelling down to Whangarei which makes life a bit easier.

This year Yearly Meeting will be somewhat different. It is being held at Curious Cove in the Marlborough Sounds and access is by boat from Picton. It will probably mean that those who do attend will almost all be there for the whole event unlike recent years where there has been a high number of day visitors, and folk who only come for the actual weekend and have to be back at work by Monday. Whether the lure of the setting will encourage enough who don't usually to come to make up for those who can't take that much time off remains to be seen.

There are a couple of issues that look like they'll be coming up that I'm hoping we can make some progress on, outreach and paying Friends for taking on various tasks. Two very thorny issues in this YM. Apart from the part time administrator of QIET we have no-one employed through our YM to do our work, directly or indirectly beyond cleaning some of our Meeting Houses. A couple of Friends at the Quaker Settlement are paid by Earlham College for the work they do to support their Environmental and Cultural Studies programme here but fantastic as that work is, it isn't part of our YM's work. Having grown up within Britain YM which has Friends House full of staff, Woodbrooke, NFPB and many other places with paid posts working at a mixture of local, regional and national level; and having been a Quaker employee on the wardening team at Edinburgh Quaker Meeting House, doing the admin for both FWCC EMES, and the 2005 World Gathering of Young Friends to me paying Friends to do the work needed is not the anathema it is to some here. Yes we are considerably smaller than Britain YM, but we do still try to cover a lot of the same ground if to a lesser extent.

From what Friends in the know have said, it seems to take a YM of about 1,000 members to support a full time administrator (although there are notable exceptions of much smaller YMs funding one). We have about half that number, so a part-time person could well be justified. And if we had someone paid then we could do more outreach which could well boost out numbers... but then there are those who throw their hands up in horror at the idea of outreach, usually those who are refugees from the more evangelistic churches. But as one of the main messages of the World Conference of Friends 2012 in Kenya points out, now is not the time to be hiding our light under a bushel - we need to stand up and be counted, be open about what we are doing and why in order to give hope to others as well as promote our own causes. We can't be spotted by our Quaker bonnets and refusing hat honour any more, we need to be visible in other ways. The open publicity around Quaker support for same sex marriages in Britain is a great example of this. We have a same sex couple as our YM co-clerks, and what did we manage when the same legislation came up here? As far as I can figure out an article in their local newspaper and not much else!

So, we are being asked in our Documents in Advance if we agree to paying someone to produce and distribute next years Docs in Advance rather than that task falling on the shoulders of the YM Clerks. Baby steps indeed, and a far cry from what could be done.... also rumbling around (still...) is the concept of getting at least some of our national newsletter (of which I'm now on the editorial team) on our website  - as yet we seem to be fighting a losing battle (not a very Quakerly analogy I realise!) to get this out in the public domain, not hidden away in some corner where only current Kiwi Quakers can log in to read it. Being able to link articles via social media such as blogs, Facebook, Twitter etc would vastly raise our profile. Our MM Outreach Committee is similarly wanting to have an outreach focused public web presence, but we keep getting stuck in the same bog - it is hardly outreach if you have to be a member and log on to see it! And no, a discrete link at the bottom of the home page for local events wasn't quite what we had in mind either... File under 'work in progress'.

As someone who has blogged for years, has a Flickr account and uses Facebook daily as well as worked on  and used various Quaker websites over the years I'm not exactly shy when it comes to having an online presence. However the majority of Friends who attend YM are of a generation less used to such and this is I think where much of the problem lies. They say they want to reach out to those who automatically use Google to find out what they want to know, but then get very agitated about putting personal information (including names in articles etc) online. Currently the newsletter team is trying to figure out what response we can give to go in White Papers to try to move the issue forward ready for YM, maybe this year we'll finally get somewhere, after all it has been talked about for years now!

As someone with distinct Luddite tendencies when it comes to technology (I blame my Yorkshire upbringing!) it seems somewhat ironic that I'm amongst those trying to drag our YM into the C21st, but probably it is better me wanting to link to articles on Facebook and here on my blog, rather than someone +20yrs my junior pushing for smartphone apps and a Twitter feed - back to those baby steps again. Hopefully it will all come to pass eventually, whether certain Friends are ready or not. But given how slow Quaker process takes I don't think there is much chance of us ever being up there with cutting edge technology!

“If I am not for myself, then who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, then what am I? And if not now, when?” Rabbi Hillel

One of the great things about being involved with Quakers internationally is that you have F/friends all around the world. One side effect of this though is that every time a major disaster happens there's a mad scramble for address lists and googling of maps desperately hoping that everyone you know is safe... it puts a far more personal face on the suffering and makes the news that bit harder to watch. What with the shootings in Nairobi (I'm fairly sure we went past that mall last year, if not it looked very similar but then I guess one shopping mall does look much like another!), bush fires in Australia, the earthquake and now the super typhoon in the Philippines and major tornadoes in the USA it has been a worrying time of late.

Yet again though the wonders of the internet come to the rescue as it is easy for reassurances to be passed along and news shared. So far on all fronts everyone I know directly is at least alive, however several Friends churches are on one of the islands badly hit and without communication so it is a difficult time for those in Manila trying to get news of them. Friends in Bohol have limited electricity, the storms just adding to the chaos of the earthquakes and aftershocks. How much more can their nerves take let alone the infrastructure? My heart goes out to them as they do their bit for the relief work there.

Whilst many of these disasters are caused by the elements and seismic activity the human element in the extent of their damage is frightening. I'm not suggesting human activity is responsible for earthquakes but we are responsible for the buildings and infrastructure we create and how well it withstands the impact, or more to the point doesn't and the resulting loss of life and limb. I don't think anything short of an underground bunker would've survived the typhoons and tornadoes though and living in those permanently would be pretty grim, however there is plenty of evidence around to suggest that our activities are exacerbating changes to our climate. Gareth Morgan has some interesting views on this and backs up Green Party co-leader Russell Norman's speech in parliament which our Govt MPs booed, Yeb Sano himself however put them in their place when he tweeted his thanks to Russell Norman for making the point. As far as Gareth Morgan goes I'm sure plenty C/christians will object to being tarred with the same brush and rightly so, I just hope they speak up and make sure that it is clear that not all people of that faith have their heads in the sand. Given the  recent commitment of five Anglican diocese to divest themselves of self of fossile fuel investments there is hope!

'time....

goes by so slowly, and time can do so much' is how the song goes. In general I haven't seen much evidence of time going slowly for some years now, in fact quite the opposite. I mean, how did it get to the end of June 2013 already??? I was reading someone refer to something as being 10yrs ago the other day and thought 'surely not?' but one quick count on the fingers later... gulp.

But yes, time can do so much, that I have no issue with at all. Time does indeed heal, although at varying speeds. But what prompted this post originally was a graphic going around on facebook saying that the most precious gift we can give children is our time. I think that goes for anyone really, not just children. There have been a few postings on facebook recently that tie in with this, one is about the time spent interacting via technology and the isolation that can create and how that may be changing society by shortening many interactions and making them more impersonal and functional. A line that stood out for me was "Simone Weil wrote, 'Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity'" which echoes the thought of time given, but takes it a step further -as people need you to not only be there but to be truly present for them, a theme developed in this post, again I believe it is not just the case with children, but with anyone in your life. However I've often found that technology has increased the amount of time I have to interact with a lot of people, not diminish it, but that is because I use it to keep in touch with people well beyond cooeee and a cuppa distance.

These writings build up a picture of time being a precious resource, so with writings like these spinning around in my head it struck a chord with me when Rebecca came to explain the local TimeBank and how it works after I'd (finally, after 6mths of sitting on the paperwork...) signed up to join. With TimeBank everyone's time is considered to have equal value, regardless of the skill involved for the task done. I like that concept, especially as with TimeBank people are either doing things for those who can't do a specific task or who don't have time to get around to it. There does however seem to be a certain irony with the not getting around to it jobs, as in some cases those tasks aren't getting done because folk are busy doing jobs for other people... but as many of us know only too well it is much easier to do someone elses' household tasks than your own! Not, of course that TimeBank is restricted to household chores by a long way, but we all have the jobs we enjoy and those we procrastinate over, so why not let someone else deal with your bugbears? Especially if all it costs you is time spent doing something you enjoy, or at least don't mind as much!

text talk

As various friends will happily point out on a regular basis I have certain luddite tendancies when it comes to IT. My 'if it still works, keep using it' attitude baffling those eagerly awaiting the next model before the wrapping is off the last. I'm on my fourth personal mobile phone in about 15yrs, none of which I've bought - and all have been either bottom of the range (my choice!) and/or well behind the leading edge of technology in terms of functionality.

Usually this really isn't an issue. I don't use my phone much. It is useful when I go away but otherwise it's most frequent use is as an alarm clock. However right now my reliable chunky nokia (thanks Jon for the hand-me-down!) is proving something of a challenge. As part of the Woodbrooke Global Learning Forum I'm in a small group of three discussing Quaker worship and how it affects our life - via text messaging! We're spread between Sweden, Kenya and Aotearoa NZ which has obvious implications in terms of timezones, but thankfully we've figured out the timings and as far as I'm aware no-one (yet!) has been woken from their slumber by the latest installment.

Those on the course with smart phones have been able to use the whatsapp to message each other internationally for free, great! Except I don't have a smart phone. What is more, for some reason we can't fathom, texts I send to Sweden don't arrive! So.... I send sms messages to Cornelius in Kenya, where they then get forwarded by whatsapp to Julia in Sweden. Cornilius sends his messages via whatsapp to Julia who forwards them by sms to me along with her own messages that she texts to me and apps to Cornelius. Confused yet? Then of course most of the messages that come to me are longer than the 160 character maximum of an sms message so they get split in two... so I get about half dozen texts or more at a time in a manner that would amuse Eric Morcombe no end as they are not necessarily in the right order!

So I can get my head around them, I type them all out into a document, along with my own messages (as of course you can't follow sent and received conversations on an old phone the way you can on a smart phone as they are stored in seperate places, and in any case I'm sending to one person and receiving from another!). Usually I can eventually do the jigsaw and figure out who said what when in reply to whom but occassionally an email is needed to sort it all out.

I was trying to explain this process during a three way facebook chat conversation with two non-Quaker friends (yes I do have such things honest!) - why not use facebook/skype chat? they very reasonably asked. Well.... this assignment was to use text messaging, no doubt future ones will use other means. Text messaging ensures you at least try to keep things succinct (yup, you've spotted the challenge for me already!), especially when you're paying for international text messages! In being succinct you rather obviously have to cut out the waffle, which for liberal Quakers of the unprogrammed tradition can be a real challenge when discussing such issues. 'What do you mean by deep worship?' I got asked having said I wished I got more of it. All of a sudden a monologue on some random topic for 'one minute without hesitation, deviation or repetition starting from, now...' suddenly seemed like the easier option. No space for anecdotal description, no vague waving of hands and well, you know.... because of course I can't assume that both of those I'm talking to do know. Oh the joys of coming from different Quaker backgrounds, worship styles and theologies!

The three of us did have the advantage of actually having all met each other previously, and only last year at that (although I first met Julia nine years ago I hadn't seen her inbetween times although our work kept us in email contact for about a year). So that helped with the diving in at the deep end, for me at least. I had some sense of the people at the other end. Obviously by being part of the course it is safe to assume that anyone in the group has a fairly open mind to the 'rainbow of Quaker grey' in all it's various shades, but text messaging is a hard medium with which to get to know a stranger, no matter how F/friendly they are. It is going to be interesting to hear how the other groups have got on.

Despite the challenges I'm loving the conversation. Typing everything out makes me really focus on every word said. Skim reading and thinking I've got the gist of it (and thus maybe missing the point) isn't an option. Sometimes I take a day to reply, I know what it is I want to say in my head, but how to put it in a text so the others understand it too is the biggest challenge. And much to my amazement clarity, and brevity, do come!

back to e-learning

Realising that half the year had slipped by already and I was no nearer clarifying any longer term plans I'd vaguely been looking at the list of courses that NorthTec run next door. This was mostly because various people had been asking me if I was going to study again - once I'd got over the mild sense of panic at the prospect of returning to uni (yet again) I figured out that actually I might qualify for some funding now and whilst nothing was crying out for my attention maybe it would be something to do in the meantime. I'd been toying with the idea of doing something practical rather than academic, mainly as I'd passed the harakeke weaving group doing work outside a few times lately, but also I'd wondered about their horticultural classes given that I'm sure my 'make it up as I go along' strategy will only get me so far in the garden.

However before I got any further down that track I got an email asking if I'd be interested in joining a group working on developing an international online course for Woodbrooke Quaker Study Centre that would explore different Quaker traditions through sharing and reflecting on our own traditions. Well it seemed like an offer I couldn't refuse, and I'm very glad I didn't as once I was signed up and could see who all else was involved there was a bunch of very familiar looking names! Okay so this will come of absolutely no suprise to Dawn and Graham, but the majority of the international group were people I already knew, or had met, or at least knew of through the World Conference in Kenya last year or the World Gathering of Young Friends 2005. However there is only one person in the group I know reasonably well and she's the one who recruited me!

We've only got to the stage of introducing ourselves and familiarising ourselves with Moodle so far but I'm getting quite excited about the idea of not only developing a future course but in the process going through the learning and sharing journey with such a wonderful group of people. Whether I'll still try to find something local as well I'm not so sure, I've just signed up for the local Timebank and gone back to volunteering at our local library after a break of several years so maybe I should just taihoa for now on that front and see how things go.

rescue mission

Having 'liked' various urban homesteading pages on facebook I've come across all sorts of 'useful' information I'll probably never need (and when I do I doubt if I'll remember where I saw it... but then that is what Google is for!) but one post caught my eye last year which was restoring rusty cast iron frying pans/skillets to their former glory. Having wanted such a pan for about two decades but never really been in a position to buy a new one I read with interest thinking well one day I might spot a rusty one at the market (Kaitaia having that sort of market!), as I was impressed as to how achievable it was.

The months went by and whilst I kept an eye out I was never looking particularly hard for one so it wasn't really surprising I didn't find one. But then during our Great Garage Clear Out a couple of months ago I found one! A bit rusty, covered in cobwebs, dust and full of flakes of burnt paper from the fire (which was about 5yrs ago!). I carefully dusted it off and put it where I knew I'd find it again and hoped no-one else would spot it and claim it meanwhile.

I'm not quite sure what happened to the intervening two months in terms of getting around to the next step but today after a quick Google search to remind myself what to do (having long since lost track of the orginal info...) I armed myself with oven cleaner (a bad idea - that stuff is foul), baking soda, salt and vinegar and a metal scourer, and in way less time than I expected I had a clean pan rubbed with oil heating up gently in the oven to season and seal it.

I decided I couldn't wait for tea time to use it so made some drop scones/pikelets for afternoon tea instead. What a delight to use - I'm so pleased with the result, and totally understand now why people get excited about cast iron. Weight alone would deter me from using big pots of it but that pan is such a great size - big enough to be really useful but not too heavy to be unwieldy.

The best part of it all though is rescuing something and getting back in use again. There must be decades, generations, of use still to be had out of that pan. I get so fed up with the throw-away culture that predominates these days. Jeanette Fitzsimon's Quaker Lecture on the economy of 'enough' put into words far more eloquently than I ever could (not to mention better researched and argued!) the importance of changing the mindset that measures success by growth, when actually usually what is needed is not more but better quality - of life, of goods, health, etc. We don't always need a new..... the old one is perfectly adequate, does the job, but one small part may be worn out. However the economics of today drives towards buying a new model rather than fix the old, or worse upgrade to the newer model when the old one still does the job just fine. If I'd known years ago how easy it was to restore an old cast iron pan I wouldn't have assumed they were out of my league financially for so long, mind you then I would've probably had to lug one half way around the world...

I read lots of self sufficiency style books in my teens/early twenties, both practical and autobiographical, but it seemed a lifestyle beyond my abilities and way too time consuming to fit in alongside an active Quaker one etc. But through blogs and facebook I'm finding an increasing number of people seeking a way not so much going back to the 'olden days' way of living but incorporating some of the ideals and practices of self sufficiency into modern urban life. Somewhere there needs to be a happy medium between modern excessive living and the deprevation of the Great Depression which prompted so much household ingenuity to make do and mend. Finding that balance is a skill in itself, such as crafting rag rugs because they can be beautiful and practical rather than because it is the only floor covering you can afford, or baking your own bread because it tastes nicer and is better for you.

Someone said at YM that her generation (she is well into her 70s) has an opportunity now to pass on such skills and knowledge to the younger generations who can use them because they want to, because they want to be part of a world with less waste, to lower our carbon emissions and environmental footprint. And we have the advantage of being able to do so in conjunction with the advantages of C21st living - we can share via the internet what we are doing so others can learn too, we have instant access to a far wider pool of knowledge and ideas than our grandparents and great grandparents did. There are materials available they never had and advances in technology that make more things achievable. One of the other finds in the big clear out was a bean slicer - imagine needing to thinly slice bucketfuls of beans to salt down to preserve for winter? Thank heavens for freezers.

One other find I also want to clean up properly to use is the antiquated hand mincer, we don't have a (functioning) food processor and it will be far more effective than me chopping stuff up for my fruit and nut chocolate slice! Maybe that is a job for the rather wet day forecast for tomorrow...

rewind, repeat...

Occassionally I look at the statistics that blogger provides so I can see which posts have been read most often recently, a bit like with looking at similar stats on Flickr, it is more out of curiosity than anything else - I know what I read/look at of other peoples', what do they find interesting that I have to say/show? It is probably an insight into search engine results too as no doubt that is how most people find them beyond the few regular readers/viewers. Sometimes the results make me curious enough to go back and re-read a post as often I can't remember from just a title what it was I was blogging about - this time it was the post I wrote seven years ago called 'serenity'.

Reading the post, and the one I'd linked to that had originally prompted me to write it, I was struck by the resonance again for me of  the seven year cycles of life theory. I already knew that in some ways I was revisiting life seven years ago, in fact quite uncannily so on some fronts, and there I was, just home from Meeting for Worship, reading something that followed on from what had been going on in my head during the silence.

So have I made any progress in the last seven years or am I destined to go through it all again at some point? Well sort of. I've got better at deciding that in some situations the only thing to do is stick it in the 'wait and see' box and await further instructions. Although having come to the conclusion today that the answer is just see what happens and pray god has a plan about something because I certainly don't (and not for lack of trying), has taken me rather longer than it ought.

Envisioning my future has never been my strong point, and given how many twists and turns my life has taken that is really no surprise, I'd never have predicted emigrating for a start. But here I am, hopefully a little more serene, definitely just as clueless as to what the future holds but with the wisdom of hindsight and ability to recognise patterns in life that hopefully mean that this time around I'll get the things I can and can't change the right way around.