strengthening our constitution

On Saturday Friends in the Far North hosted a workshop in Kerikeri looking at the 1840 Te Tiriti o Waitangi and Treaty of Waitangi (there being two versions, one in each language - and they don't match), our country's unwritten constitution and He Whakaputanga, the 1835 Declaration of Independence.

There were twelve of us participating - half Quakers, half interested locals attracted by an short plug in the local newspaper. So with David James of the Rowan Partnership being our Quaker facilitator we just outnumbered the visitors! Some Friends had expressed trepidation about advertising locally, worried that those who just wanted to rant would come along, but those fears were unfounded. Our visitors included Tangata Whenua (local Māori), New Zealanders of European descent and, like many of the Quakers present, someone who had emigrated to this country.

Much of the benefit of the day was gaining a better understanding of why the constitutional system we have doesn't work, but aside from that the things that really touched my heart rather than my head were comments made by two of our visitors.

One, who had said in the introductions that he'd 'come to be a Quaker for the day' shared at lunchtime how he had been to a Quaker Meeting once before down in Palmerston North out of curiosity as he'd been staying along the road from the Meeting House. Like many people on their first encounter with silent/waiting worship he sat there for a while wondering 'when it was going to start', and it was only when Friends shared afterwards their 'almost ministry' or thoughts during Meeting that he realised that they'd 'all been connecting with their wairua together, and that was really neat' (wairua being spirit). He put it so simply, yet really encapsulated what it is we do in Meeting for Worship - I've heard it said by several people in the past, the Māori language has a way for describing the spiritual, and Quakerly concepts, that leaves English looking clumsy. As a Yearly Meeting this really is something we should make better use of!

Another of the visitors was a local kaumatua, a Māori elder, he described the values he sees as enshrined in He Whakaputanga.

Tapu - respecting that which is sacred in the places and people involved; in doing so you acknowledge and uphold their mana, their self-worth and status (a poor translation, but English doesn't really have an equivalent concept). Tika, doing things right shows pono, integrity or faith in what is being said and done; sharing aroha, love, between all of us as we work towards hohourongo which (again poorly) translates as reconciliation between us, or forgiveness.

It was a priviledge to have him with us, and even more so to hear him at the end of the day checking he had contact details for the local Quakers sorted as 'our people need to meet with you people more often like this and see how it is done'. I felt that we really had been able to meet together in the spirit of He Whakaputanga, and had at least done something to help uphold our YMs commitment to honouring our Te Tiriti obligations and the constitutional review process.

As goodbyes were being said we felt like there had been some connections made that would hopefully lead to our paths crossing again, but even if not our wairua had become entwined and would travel on within each other regardless.

Remembering Natalie

Last week I got to meet up with Richard, Matthew and Caleb for a few hours and hand over a community quilt I'd co-ordinated, from our ECE Grad Dip class to them in memory of Natalie. It was so good to get to hang out with them and catch up on each others lives again.

Back in May 2012 I'd been wishing that there was something more I could do for Natalie as she braved the cancer that was taking over her life. Sending cards and chocolate just didn't seem to be enough. With Natalie and I both being quilters a quilt seemed like an obvious choice. Natalie was one of those people who naturally brought people together and created communities of love around her, so a community quilt felt like the obvious thing to do.

I contacted Natalie's friend Charlotte through facebook as I knew she had been the inspiration for Natalie's quilting and asked if she'd help me organise one. I had no idea really where to start but Charlotte got drafting some lovely words and instructions to be sent out and I started contacting some of our fellow classmates asking if they'd be interested in contributing. But just after I'd got her first draft we learned of the quilt their local church had made for Natalie and it took the wind out of our sails a bit – was doing another quilt really the right thing to do now?

Then of course events over took us as the cancer overtook Natalie and grief took precedence as we all tried to get to grips with losing what felt like the glue that had held our mostly online community together. Ange being able to get to the funeral was really important to us and whilst I wish she were nearer I'm so grateful that life had taken her and her family to live in Australia too. But as the weeks went on I got asked by fellow classmates 'What's happening about the quilt? Are we still going to do it?' The fact that they had asked proved to me that we still needed to, as much for ourselves as for anyone else.

After some discussion the quilt went forward as a 'Class of 2008' project rather than a wider community quilt. One of our lecturers, Helen Hedges who had become a good friend of Natalie's, arranged for a slightly re-worded version of Charlotte's letter to be sent out via the University Alumni office and she made contact with Natalie's practicum placements for me.

Natalie's memorial came and went, I'm so glad I was able to be part of that – for myself and again representing our class. I really wanted to say something alongside the other tributes but all I could find were tears rather than words and folk had enough of those of their own!

The squares started coming in late January 2013, originally the hope had been to have a weekend in Wellington pulling it all together around Waitangi Day, but for various reasons that wasn't practical, which is just as well as the squares were still drifting in well after then!

Eventually, after chasing down a couple I knew 'were coming honest', I had 12 squares – these were photographed and laid out as a grid in a document and emailed to what had become the main decision/support group. I needed help – how should they be arranged? Did we need additional squares to make the quilt bigger? What colour/s should be used between the squares etc etc etc... several emails later the decisions were made – more squares as the quilt needed to be big enough for the boys and Richard to be able to snuggle under together, not just one of them on their own, and the hatching between the squares would represent the colours of Papatuanuku and Ranginui – going from brown, through green to blue.

The colour scheme helped decide the layout of the contributed squares which fell naturally into the three bands. I don't know how Karyn came up with the rainbows but they were just perfect after the 'Somewhere over the rainbow' song that had been played at the memorial. I really wanted to use some of the material that I had been given by Nora, Natalie's nana, when Natalie and I visited her the last time I saw her, just before Christmas 2011, when both of us left with an enormous stash to work our way through. I'd already identified some for the backing and was trying to figure out which to use to fill in some extra squares to fill out the quilt to a larger size when I came across a bag of hearts pinned on to calico squares.

These hearts had been cut out in 2010, Natalie had sent me a link to a blog post by a woman in Canterbury who felt called to make 'healing heart quilts' for the families of the 29 Pike River Miners who lost their lives. Both of us made a bundle and sent them off. I'd not known how many to make so had decided well I'll cut out 29 and see how far I get! I posted off 15 and then heard that more than enough hearts had been received and any surplus were going to be made into quilts for those affected by the Christchurch earthquakes in September that year. So as other projects were waiting, the other hearts ended up stuck in a bag and put to one side.... until now. It seemed really appropriate to use them given that making them had been Natalie's idea in the first place. The calico squares were smaller than the other squares so bordering them, mostly with Nora's stash, solved that problem.

I had hoped to get it all together and done by the first anniversary of Natalie's death, but as with making the squares, it all took a lot longer than anticipated. Partly because it was a really emotional process. It was almost like I didn't want to finish it at times, as that would be letting go, and I wasn't sure I was ready for that yet. Several people commented on how much harder it had been than they had expected to make the squares, not challenging in terms of skills, but choosing what to do, and then actually doing it. It really was part of our grieving process. Several others didn't feel their sewing skills were up to the task but remembered Natalie with much affection and admiration, the squares completed may be fairly small in number but they represent a much greater memory of Natalie and gratitude for us having her in our lives.

Apart from the grieving process having the responsibility for other peoples' work felt like a huge responsibility! I was worrying about not being able to make it perfect, and had been putting things off for weeks as a result. Then one day when I was thinking about it I heard Natalie's voice in my head saying 'Cs make degrees, it'll have to do, it's good enough!' Her usual refrain come each assignment deadline! I realised that yes, it just has to be 'good enough' or it will never get handed in at all, let alone 'on time'! That helped, it didn't speed things up that much but it did get them going again.

Well my second 'deadline' of Natalie and Matthew's July birthday also came and went, and I knew it was time to ask for help again – Ange came to the rescue by offering to do the dedication square for the back; knowing what to put, let alone feeling able to do it had been beyond me. I'm so glad Ange stepped in, her embroidery skills are far superior to mine. I'm just annoyed that what looked like straight when it was sewn on now looks crooked, but as it is quilted through as well taking it off and rearranging it just wasn't really an option. Hey ho, Cs make degrees....

Anyway, about a week after the anniversary of Natalie's memorial in September the quilt was finished at last, all I needed was to figure out how to deliver it...various plans to get it through to Natalie's mum in Kerikeri were formed and fell through. I kept hanging on to the thought though that the right opportunity would turn up, and it did - a text came from Richard saying they were over here and a friend was heading in the right direction for a work meeting and was able to drop me off and pick me up a few hours later. Just like that it all fell into place.

The universe works to its own timescale, that can be hard to handle at times, but that is life.

 

“If I am not for myself, then who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, then what am I? And if not now, when?” Rabbi Hillel

One of the great things about being involved with Quakers internationally is that you have F/friends all around the world. One side effect of this though is that every time a major disaster happens there's a mad scramble for address lists and googling of maps desperately hoping that everyone you know is safe... it puts a far more personal face on the suffering and makes the news that bit harder to watch. What with the shootings in Nairobi (I'm fairly sure we went past that mall last year, if not it looked very similar but then I guess one shopping mall does look much like another!), bush fires in Australia, the earthquake and now the super typhoon in the Philippines and major tornadoes in the USA it has been a worrying time of late.

Yet again though the wonders of the internet come to the rescue as it is easy for reassurances to be passed along and news shared. So far on all fronts everyone I know directly is at least alive, however several Friends churches are on one of the islands badly hit and without communication so it is a difficult time for those in Manila trying to get news of them. Friends in Bohol have limited electricity, the storms just adding to the chaos of the earthquakes and aftershocks. How much more can their nerves take let alone the infrastructure? My heart goes out to them as they do their bit for the relief work there.

Whilst many of these disasters are caused by the elements and seismic activity the human element in the extent of their damage is frightening. I'm not suggesting human activity is responsible for earthquakes but we are responsible for the buildings and infrastructure we create and how well it withstands the impact, or more to the point doesn't and the resulting loss of life and limb. I don't think anything short of an underground bunker would've survived the typhoons and tornadoes though and living in those permanently would be pretty grim, however there is plenty of evidence around to suggest that our activities are exacerbating changes to our climate. Gareth Morgan has some interesting views on this and backs up Green Party co-leader Russell Norman's speech in parliament which our Govt MPs booed, Yeb Sano himself however put them in their place when he tweeted his thanks to Russell Norman for making the point. As far as Gareth Morgan goes I'm sure plenty C/christians will object to being tarred with the same brush and rightly so, I just hope they speak up and make sure that it is clear that not all people of that faith have their heads in the sand. Given the  recent commitment of five Anglican diocese to divest themselves of self of fossile fuel investments there is hope!

reconnecting

We've got glorious sunshine and blue skies out there today, but I'm doing the sun-smart thing and hiding indoors for a while before heading back out into the garden.

Actually I'm not that long back from a trip to the park at the end of the street with neighbour Emma (aged 7) and her friend Chloe who I also know from their kindergarten days, but we'd stuck to the shade of the big puriri trees they were climbing most of the time, it was too hot not to! Last week we had Charlotte with us (another kindergarten alumni!) and did much the same. It is good keeping up contact with children after they've headed off to school. Watching their transformation as the years pass often causes me to reflect on the paths that my friends of that age and I have taken. Thanks to facebook I know something about quite a few of them these days, people I'd otherwise lost track of 25yrs or more ago.

Last weekend also saw a trip to Opua in the Bay of Islands with Eleanor to see the Tall Ships and catch up with Tasha who was on the Lord Nelson as Cook's Assistant. Tasha and I hadn't seen each other for 10yrs, but it felt like no more than 10mths at most, the years that had passed since we saw each other regularly at YF events and served on committees together in the late 80s and early 90s just melted away. Despite both of us having had some pretty life changing experiences in the intervening period they obviously hadn't changed us that much! Or maybe they had but it simply didn't matter?

We discussed, amidst other things, how we'd reconnected with so many parts of our past through facebook, and probably knew far more about the day to day lives of our (F)friends now than we did when the main form of communication over distance was handwritten letters! Both of us had quickly lost track of most people we'd been at school with from having moved away etc but had been finding all sorts of people online lately (including each other!).

It's interesting seeing where in life my old school friends have got to. I wonder if someone had asked us 30yrs ago where did we think we'd be in life by 2013 I'm not sure how many would've got it right! I certainly wouldn't have, nor do I think anyone else would've guessed my future either. But that is probably as much a comment on the changing world we live in as anything else - emigrating then was a far bigger deal. The world these days is a much smaller place - the fact that Tasha can turn up on the opposite side of the world and find half a dozen people here she saw regularly 20yrs ago proving the point! Plus finding this out and tracking them down now is a doddle compared to writing a letter and waiting weeks for a reply, assuming you ever got one...

There was a rather cynical article shared on facebook recently about status updates and how the author reckonned most of them were fairly egotistical and that only a tiny percentage of your 'friends' really cared about the majority of what you shared. I think the article was a little tongue in cheek, but it generated an interesting response from one group of F/friends of mine who disagreed strongly. My take on it was that yes for those who amass 'friends' like collector cards and 'friend' everyone in sight then yes the author probably has a fairly valid point, but for those of us who have friends scattered around the world, and whose lives have physically crossed with so many others in a way that connects them deeply if briefly then no! the percentages are more likely reversed and we do want to read all the news about the majority of our friends, otherwise why be 'friends' on facebook? It is sooooo much easier to post an update every so often than write a dozen letters, or even emails, especially when you don't have homework to avoid any more! I love the fact that even just a month or so of updates and comments mean you can hit the ground running with conversation and get past a lot of the basic small talk that can take up far too much precious kanoi ki te kanoi, face to face, time!

In an international group skype call yesterday I made reference to the concept of having different threads connecting people, sometimes there is just the one point of connection - work, church, family etc but the more threads you have in common, shared interests and hobbies, life experiences, beliefs, political opinions, activities etc and the more ways in which you communicate the stronger the bond can become. So when one thread is stretched, perhaps to breaking point, the rest can hold things together and provide some continuity, some safe ground. And so even when there are years apart those threads can be picked up and woven back into the tapestry of our lives without batting an eyelid.

Anyway, 'tis time to get back out into the garden again and reconnect with my weeding!

pootling along

How come it is October already? In fact how come it is Term 4??? That means it is (dare I say it?) nearly the C word... (yeah okay so I wussed out). It also means the best part of a year has gone by since my redundancy kicked in late November last year. Whilst back then I had no idea quite what I'd be doing by now, I certainly wasn't expecting life to look like it does!

I had the feeling back then that big changes were in the offing, and I still have that feeling that they are still around the corner, it is just turning out to be a much bigger corner than I had originally anticipated. On Monday I started doing the lunch cover post at the other kindergarten in town. My contract is just for the term which suits me. It means I get to top the bank account back up a bit ready for the summer which amongst other things includes my parents coming over from the UK to visit - 7yrs after their previous trip out here. But it doesn't tie me down long term which feels right. The kids are great and I've already got two who greet me with big hugs and smiles each day and it is only 5mins walk away which are definite pluses but I've got used to having a lot more flexibility in my week and I'd like to find a way to keep that longer term.

I was reading Eleanor's post the other day which resonated strongly in terms of wondering what the 'next big thing' is and whether actually the big thing isn't and that the little things right here and now are what I'm supposed to be doing and life isn't actually in some kind of holding pattern waiting for the runway to clear after all. Which is what Kate in her wisdom pointed out to me when we were chatting online last week 'pootling along' is life!

In some ways this year has been reminiscent of being a student back in my late teens/early twenties. Okay so in theory I was supposed to be studying full time but instead I was more of a full time Young Friend who went to lectures rather than a full time student who went to YF events! As it turned out this stood me in far better stead in life than studying harder would have so I can feel justifiably vindicated in my decision making. The analogy with this year is that I've only really been making a token effort to 'earn a living' and meanwhile have had time and energy to put into not just Quaker things, but also my local community by volunteering at the library again and getting involved with Time Bank.

On top of this the house and garden are in good shape, my pile of sewing UFOs* (or from a more positive perspective PHDs**) that have been hanging around for some time has almost been got through (although there are plenty new ones in the pipeline!), I've actually managed to do some Family History research rather than just turning up at the Genealogy meetings once a month full of good intentions and I feel like I've made some more progress towards living a more sustainable life, like Aletia it is something I've been consciously working on for years (another blog post methinks!).

I've even had enough spare brain capacity to start thinking about other ways in which I can serve Quakers as I've found myself increasingly drawn back to Outreach since the World Conference in Kenya last year, especially reading about Quaker Week in Britain. Oh and then there is the not so small matter of looking after Phyllis whilst she recouperated from her fall and hip replacement and the lesser level of ongoing care and support!

So whilst it has felt like I've just been pootling along I guess I have actually achieved quite a bit this year. It just takes some adjusting of the the mind to acknowledge things I do for pleasure as currently being the major tasks in life for me right now rather than being things that get fitted in around paid work. If only it were financially sustainable long term I could happily get quite used to it!

* UnFinished Objects
** Projects Half Done