Tuesday, June 30, 2015

wibbley wobbley timey wimey stuff

How did it get to the be the end of June already??? The obvious answer is one day at a time, but I'm sure weeks disappear when I'm not looking these days. I'm not sure if it is yet another fibromyalgia quirk or simply old age, but my sense of time has never been quite so abysmal as it is at the moment. Not only has my 'within five minutes maximum' sense of clock time gone completely out the window, but I'm forever being caught out by things suddenly being next week (or worse, last week!) when I was quite sure they were ages away still.

Okay so my lousy track record of getting birthday presents to arrive on time does not back me up in terms of evidence of once having had a good sense of where I am in the month. But that hasn't been though lack of awareness of the impending birthdays arrival, just my inability to get things in the post at the right time. Just to prove how fickle life can be though I successfully got two birthday presents to arrive bang on time this year that have historically arrived late on a regular basis - but that was due to luck more than anything else!

I regularly find that things I thought were a couple of days or so ago were actually over a week ago, especially things like how long it was since I last took my turn in Lexulous games or when an email came in. I suppose it hasn't been helped by having had a few weeks a bit shorter on energy where the amount I can do in a day shrinks somewhat.

Given the lack of energy I've spent quite a bit of time over the last few weeks working my way through the Dr Who back catalogue (2005 onwards) whilst handquilting. It has been interesting pondering on the complexities of living through the same events as someone else but in a different order (as per the Doctor and River Song). I've also been following conversations in a Facebook support group about CFS/ME/Fibromyalgia etc about various symptoms people have had - many of us have the same diagnosis but experience symptoms in many different orders and combinations. It isn't a linear condition, it goes round and round, and up and down with no apparent reason. On the plus side it means that you won't necessarily get any worse than you have been before, but then again just because things are improving doesn't mean symptoms won't come back, or that something else won't turn up instead.

There is also the issue of trying to remember that whilst today might be a good day, making the most of it and running round doing all the things you can squeeze in whilst you have some energy isn't that great an idea as it'll most likely come back to haunt you. Possibly tomorrow, or the next day, or next week even. It's like the condition itself doesn't really have a grasp of how time works in the real world out there, and it too forgets that actually that 3hrs gardening wasn't yesterday after all but three days ago...

Ah well, even if I don't know if I'm coming or going some days at least I know I'm not alone with that, and there's usually someone online who's been there done that already to reassure anyone they aren't losing the plot. And I've still got several seasons of Dr Who to watch :)

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